The Not-So-Grand-Finale, and Feeling Blue About Comedy.......

Dear All,


     Once again I come to you from my tiny bedroom in my tiny flat. In case you were wondering, it's a rather nice day today. Which makes a change. I think Australia has the best PR agent on the planet because everyone, everywhere else, thinks it's all sun, sea, surf and sex. Since I've been here all I've seen is floods, rain, wind and hurricanes. Not to mention my first week in Melbourne when there was a hail storm in which the hail was so big it smashed car windscreens and tore tiles from the roofs of peoples homes.


     Anyway...

     I was supposed to "double penetrate Melbourne", as I put it, last Tuesday with two gigs in one night. After the success of last weeks gig, I was really looking forward to getting back to Syn to have another crack at it. I attended the workshop, as usual. To be honest there isn't much to note from that. There was no guest speaker so it was just people trying new stuff.
     I was starving after that so bought myself a "small" box of chips from the fish and chip shop. I'd hate to see what a large is like if that was a small. It was huge. But I'm not one to throw money away so I made sure I kept eating until every last morsel had been devoured. Turns out that was a mistake because greasy chips mixed with Red Bull and a heavy dose of pre-stage nerves will leave you feeling rough as arseholes. Something that didn't go away until after I'd been on. So I got to M.I.B feeling a bit rough, but ready to nail my gig and get over to Syn to nail that one too.


     However when I got to M.I.B, someone told me Syn had been suddenly and inexplicably shut down and the whole competition was not off. This annoyed me somewhat because I was actually looking forward to that gig, knowing full well that it would probably be my last gig in Australia due to the fact that most open mic nights are closed during the Comedy Festival. Double penetration had turned into basic missionary. And it doesn't get much more basic than Melbourne International Backpackers. I was second on stage, which was neither good nor bad, but it at least allowed me to get it over with. I think I managed to count 11 people in the audience before I went on. Three were drunks at the back by the bar, not listening, but talking very loudly. Three were German backpackers. And two were Swedish backpackers. The other three were people from the workshop who had come down to watch.


The bar at M.I.B. This is what the room looked like when I
went on stage, except it was dark outside. I performed in front
of the big TV screen against the back wall.

     

     I wouldn't go as far as to say my gig was a disaster. But it was definitely a bit of a shit one to finish on. I don't think I heard a single titter of laughter. And if there was, it was drowned out by the talking and the people playing pool on the other side of the room. I didn't panic and freeze mid performance, which is good. But I did realise after that I'd omitted a huge chunk of my material. I think I subconsciously just wanted it to be over. There are of course positives to take from this. The fact I didn't panic and just walk off. The fact I have now gigged in what is widely known as Melbourne's most hostile comedy room. And the fact I have one more gig under my belt and valuable experience. But you can't help but have your confidence knocked a bit though when your last two gigs (let's not forget Thursdays fun and frolics) haven't been very good. And I'm a confidence performer. In whatever I do, I seem to feed from my good performances and happily quit if I decide I'm gash at something. Plus it's uber depressing to think that that is the gig the citizens of Australia, plus three Germans and two Swedish people, will remember me by.


     So I have one workshop left to attend. After which I will beg for a spot at the Comic's Lounge to finish on a high. After that, the Melbourne open mic scene shuts down for two months. During which time I will be heading to New Zealand. I will definitely give it another bash in New Zealand. I need to keep trying out my stuff to discover if I'm any good or not. If I decide by the time I get home I'm a bit shit. There's no way I'll carry on doing it in front of my own people.


     In the mean time, I haven't really thought about what I will post to keep the old blog ticking over. I'll keep posting videos for your viewing pleasure, and perhaps I'll just start writing some anecdotal material about my adventures. And if that dries up, I'll go old school and start spilling stories from my youth. Like when I had a doctor and two nurses frantically kick down a toilet door in a hospital to find me fast asleep on the bog mid-dump.

 
     I hope you're enjoying the ramblings, if so, keep coming back.


        Big up yourself,
  
                Sean