Welcome

Hi,

First and foremost, thanks for reading this blog. Hopefully you find it quite amusing, it may even interest you. You don't have to be a stand-up comedian to enjoy this blog. You don't even need to know a stand-up comedian. You just need to be amused by the tales of a guy who gets on stage to try and make people laugh, often fails, and then documents it.


Either way, I hope you enjoy the reading and I appreciate your time and support.







Sunday, February 27, 2011

Scouting Venues, Booking Gigs, and Being Hungover.........

Greetings,

    I come to you today feeling slightly worse for wear. I stayed up last night to watch the Six Nations game between England and France drinking with friends so forgive me if I don't bring my A- game to this post. I am, however, feeling much better. Mainly due to the plate of scrambled eggs, coffee and Berrocca I had about 20 minutes ago. My mood is also bouyed by the fact Channel 7 have decided to air the K-9 as their Sunday afternoon movie. I don't know about you but I think this film is a classic and demands more respect than it gets. I'd say it's up there with Turner and Hooch and Beethoven as the best dog based movie of all time. And, to bring me further joy, I have discovered that K-9 was written by none other than Under Siege's Steven Seagal. Who knew? But this isn't what I came to write about so I'll move on.


     As I mentioned before, I checked out M.I.B and Syn on Tuesday night. Then on Wednesday I was semi-planning to go and check out Deathstar to see if it was a room I could see myself playing in. Also, Rob, a friend from the workshop, was playing there so I was going to support him. As it turned out I was far too lazy and stayed at home so I still don't know what Deathstar is like. Perhaps this Wednesday I will go. I think I've just been putting it off because I can't see it being the best comedy or the friendliest crowd at a place called Deathstar. It's a bit like eating at a restaurant called "Mouldy", or getting a hooker from the "Aids Brothel". I guess there's only one way to find out though.


     However on Thursday, I did venture out to a venue I'd never been before call Monastery on Church. It's basically just a pub that runs an open mic night on Thursday nights. It's a bit out of the way so I don't think it's one of the bigger places to go. When I got there at about 8.30, the comedy had already started and had finished by about 9.40 so there aren't many acts on each night either. The audience was small but friendly enough, and the acts were mostly people who are in Melbourne for the upcoming Comedy Festival and they're just rehearsing or trying new stuff before they do it for real. It's not strictly a comedy night either, it's a generic open mic night so there were also two musical acts just playing and singing. To be fair, the guy who went on last and played the guitar was awesome and he did some great covers and had some really good original songs.
    I was really unsure as to whether I wanted to get myself a gig there because everyone there seemed to be a member of an exclusive club. The MC, the acts and the audience all seemed to be a little group of friends which is quite intimidating for an outsider to penetrate. But if there's one thing I'm good at, it's penetrating. So I booked myself a gig there for this Thursday. Mostly because I think it will be good practice and it doesn't really matter if I cock up because hardly anyone is there to see it. So that's another gig pencilled in and hopefully I can make some progress.


     I have also achieved a bit of a personal milestone. I have informed my parents and one of my friends that I have started doing stand up. It's one of my friends from rugby who thinks of himself as "One of the lads" so I was unsure whether he'd just take the piss or not. He probably will take the piss behind my back but that's expected of him. He was quite supportive to me though and told me he thought it was cool and was asking questions and showing general interest, so that was positive.
     I told my parents via email and have yet to hear back from them. They either haven't checked their mail or have disowned me. Time will tell. To be honest, they'll probably think it's a wind up until I show them the blog and the photos. I wouldn't blame them either. Why would their 25 year old, rugby playing, beer swilling, head-screwed-on son suddenly take to the stage and participate in the arts? Because I'm fucking hilarious, that's why.


     I also briefly mentioned that the Melbourne Comedy Festival is coming up. This will hopefully be a good chance to get out and see some really good established acts over the next month or so. I already have a little wish list of who I want to see. Reginald D.Hunter, Tommy Tiernan, Sammy J, Mark Watson and Ava Videl being just a few. Perhaps I'll try my hand at being a comedy critic too so I can report to you who is worth a watch. I'll keep you posted.


     So next time I post, I will have had another gig, been to another workshop and seen some more comedians so with any luck I'll have something good to report. But until then............


      Stay safe, buckle up, look both ways before crossing, don't do drugs, smoking kills, and take care,

                          Sean

Thursday, February 24, 2011

A Blogging Revolution And A Pretty Eventless Week.....

Dear All,


     I feel I should start by mentioning the new way I intend to blog from now on. I have heard from a reliable source (my girlfriend told me) that one of the things that make a good blog is to not write essay sized posts once a week. I've thought about it and although I enjoy sitting back and admiring my lengthy descriptions of the week I've had, I think you, the reader, would find it easier and more entertaining to read shorter anecdotes, jokes and stories from my week. However, I also have it under good authority (my girlfriend told me) that to get readers coming back for more, I should post blogs more often. So here is my compromise. Rather than blather on and on about how my week went, I will update you with shorter posts two or three times a week. This should ensure maximum comedy content without boring you to death. So consider this the first day of a new era in your lives.


    I'll start with Tuesday. A bit of a frustrating one. We were all told at the workshop last Tuesday that due to a private function, the workshop and open mic night wouldn't be taking place. I imagine some really selfish middle-aged man decided he was going to have a birthday on that day and not ask if we minded if he ruin our week and put a massive dent in the progression of our comedy careers. Some people are intolerable.
    I had a week to get over it and by the following Tuesday I was well prepared to not attend a workshop, but to make an extra effort to cycle into town and attend two different open mic nights. I made the mammoth effort of cycling to M.I.B (it is a mammoth effort if you are as unfit and overweight as me). I arrived a good twenty minutes early and purchased myself a nice cold diet coke in anticipation for comedy. At around ten to nine a guy called Rob, who I know from the workshop came in and informed me that the private function had been cancelled and the workshop went ahead. Not only that but the open mic night at the Comic's Lounge was now back on and anyone who was at the workshop could have a gig. My first thought was how annoyed I was that I could of had a gig if someone had called to say it was back on. But my second thought was to wonder whether the private function had been cancelled due to a sudden realisation by the Birthday Boy that he was being intolerably selfish and putting a dent in the progression of our comedy careers. But I doubted it so I went back to feeling frustration over missing out on a gig. Something good did come from being at M.I.B though. I managed to book a gig in for the 8th March. Which means that evening will be the first night that I will have two gigs in one night. Progression. After I'd achieved that, I couldn't be bothered to wait around for the comedy to start so I cycled over to Syn to see who was on there.


     My old chum Dil was on at Syn, as were a couple of others I know so it was good to watch them. Plus it was another heat of the competition that I will be in next week so I wanted to eye up the talent, so to speak. It was very wierd though because I don't think anybody who was on brought along anyone to watch them. And I don't think anyone came in off the street for a drink. So I counted seven people in the audience. Including myself. They were all comedians and weren't there to laugh but to perform, so it was a very quiet, intimidating night. Even the MC decided at the first interval that he'd had enough and went home, leaving one of the other comedians there to continue MC-ing. Like I said, it was a wierd night.

     Tonight I think I might head to a venue I haven't been to before and possibly book myself in to gig there as soon as I can, so you can expect to hear all about that in the next few days. You lucky things. And remember to keep checking in for updates because they will be more regular from now on.

 Peace Out,

      Sean

Thursday, February 17, 2011

The Learning Curve.....

Dear All,

     Seven more days have past which means I must have wonderfully entertaining tales and tit-bits from within the Melbourne comedy circuit for your reading pleasure. Tales of my own personal growth and development, tales of meeting fantastic global stars of comedy and tales of amazing opportunities presenting themselves before me.  Well.......no. Not really. But kind of.
    I want to start by mentioning something that I completely forgot to mention last week. And when I realised I had forgot to mention it, I actually did an animated slap of my forehead and nearly found myself shouting, "D'oh!". What can possibly be so important that forgetting it required an animated slap of the forehead I hear you cry? Well, last week, wait for it, I bought a new notepad. My Bible that had been my notepad, where I scribed all of my jokes and humorous observations, where I had penned my entire set, and where I had taken note of tips and advice from established comedians had basically filled up. It's my own fault really, I shouldn't have bought such a cheap little notepad in the first place. But how was I to know that 4 months later I'd even still be doing this, let alone would have written enough to fill a notepad?
    But I am still doing it, and I did fill it. So I treated myself to a brand spanking new notepad that was thicker, had hard-back covers for protection, had lines to write on, and even had the luxury of page margins. It was at this time, stood in the queue at my local supermarket, holding my shiny black notepad, that I knew I was heading up in the world. Now if that story doesn't get you salivating with excitement and anticipation over what the rest of my week could have contained, you're crazy. But fear not, some stuff did actually happen that was slightly more notable than me buying a little notepad. For instance, there was a workshop and a guest speaker. I had a gig. I nearly died on stage during my gig. I snuck out the back door of my gig so I didn't need to face anyone. And finally, I booked myself in for another gig. And it's not even the end of the week yet!
  
    The workshop was OK. Same old stuff that I'm beginning to get the feeling I don't need to go into too much detail about. "Has anyone had gigs?", "Who wants to try new stuff?", yadda yadda yadda, bla-dee bla bla. The interesting bit of the workshop came when our guest speaker, Col Cameron, piped up. He started by telling us how he made a living in comedy. Which is essentially MC-ing at corporate gigs and functions around the country while still doing the odd stand-up gig for extra pocket money. He also runs a comedy room with another comedian, but I have no idea where that is, or whether it's actually an earner for them or just a hobby. I found it quite interesting to learn there are ways of making money in comedy without doing paid stand-up gigs or moving into television.
    The other thing he mentioned, was an old exercise he did when he was just starting out at a workshop like ours. He said the woman who was running the workshop got everyone to go on stage, say their names, where they're from and why they are doing comedy. The people watching would write down the name of the person on stage, and what role they would cast them in in a film e.g "The housewife", "The good looking one" etc. It turned out that there were ten or so people that weren't happy with how the majority of people watching perceived them. These people were cast as "The ugly one", "The one with dreadlocks", "The old one" etc. They wanted to be "The funny one" or something more relevant. As it happens, they were told, they were the acts that had the bigger chance of making it in comedy, because they had some distinctive feature that audiences could remember them by. We were told that unless you had some quirky look about you, or distinctive feature, you had to be pretty damn funny to make it. Which I'm sure a lot of people found very heartening to hear. But I don't have any distinctive features, other than my ginger hair and dazzling smile, so that means I have to be extra funny which seems a bit unfair to me. I'm considering taking a hot iron to one side of my face so I can be "The horribly scarred one". Then I don't have to try as hard.
     This exercise Col talked about actually had some relevance to me because for the last couple of weeks I've been talking to a couple of the other guys about how I open my set. I have always opened with a joke. Not a typical stand-up joke. Just the sort of joke that you'd tell your mates in the pub. It's not always my joke either, just a joke I've heard. I'm not stealing or plagiarising the joke from another comedian, it's just a funny joke. My theory behind it is to give the audience something to take away with them. How many times have you told a funny story to someone that didn't get laughs because you either didn't tell it right or "You had to be there"? I don't want people to come and see me and leave saying "He was funny but what was it he said again?" By me telling them a joke, they can leave having that as pub ammo and inadvertently spread my name around. Then I can be "The one that said that joke". In my head it sounds like a good plan. But I know a couple of people I've mentioned it to think it takes away some of the humour from my own jokes by having one that isn't mine there. Also, if someone happens to have heard that joke already, they will wonder whether any of my material is my own. I can definitely see both sides of the story and haven't quite made my mind up which way to go yet. But for the time being I will continue by opening with a quick joke.

    As I mentioned, I had a gig at the Comic's Lounge on Tuesday night (15.02.11).........It was a disaster. Not a disaster on the scale of Titanic, Hurricane Katrina or Global Warming. But definitely a disaster on the scale of the recent floods in Australia or the Egyptian riots. I had a feeling from way before I even got to the workshop that something not good was going to happen, so I made a point of reading through my set enough times that I could do it in my sleep, blindfolded and with ear muffs on.
    The crowd wasn't that big this week, which was a relief to begin with. There was maybe forty or fifty people. The other thing that gave me confidence was that a few of the other people on that night were only doing there first or second gig. I know it sounds horrible, and I swear I do like the guys that went on, but I was really hoping at least one of them bombed so I would look even better. As it happens, I was the one that bombed. Funny old world isn't it. I failed on Tuesday for two reasons, the first being the fact that the punchline to my opening joke was the C-Bomb (That's C,U Next Tuesday for anyone that doesn't know). I learned the hard way that that word only works in certain audiences. Certainly not audiences mainly comprising of Mothers, Fathers and Grandparents of other comedians. I learned my lesson the hard way and won't be using that joke again. The other thing is, just an hour or so before I went on, I came up with two really good jokes to work into my routine. I knew exactly where they were going and it would make each joke that much better. It was just a case of remembering to put them in. The first one went swimmingly. I worked it in perfectly and everyone laughed. Even the second one I worked in flawlessly and it got a good reception. But while I was admiring how well my new jokes had gone down, stood on stage with the spotlights shining firmly on me, I had a total mind blank as to where my routine went next. This, of all weeks, was the first gig I'd decided I knew my set well enough to not feel the need to take my notes on stage with me. I was helpless, like a bunny in car headlights. I was silent on stage for what felt like a good 30 seconds. The crowd were equally silent except for the odd awkward cough or giggle at my despair. It even got to the point where I had to tell the audience they could talk among themselves and that this would be a good time to go to the bar because they weren't missing much. Actually, those comments did manage to get a bit of laughter and I finally managed to remember where the hell I was going and finished off my routine.
    The most annoying thing about the whole situation was the fact that none of it was anybody else's fault except my own. I had no-one else to blame for my cock up, the crowd were good, there weren't any hecklers. There were no external factors in my failure. I guess it's good to get a failure under my belt though, I now know what to expect and how to deal with it. I can also learn from my mistakes and I can guarantee I won't be making them again. All new jokes get thoroughly rehearsed before performance, and all jokes containing offensive language gets chucked on the pile of all my other jokes that don't make the grade. So essentially, this gig was a useful learning curve for me and I intend to treat it as such.
    If I edited out the two negative points, it was a really good gig. Like I said, the audience were good. They laughed at all my jokes at the right times and it could of been another victory under my belt. So I'm not too disheartened by the whole affair. I was at the time though. I didn't even want to go out to the bar because I didn't want to hear any ones opinions. So much so that when I left, I went out the back door. Bit childish really. I wasn't going to. I was going to wait until the last act had finished and sneak out when people had left. But I got talking to a guy called Mr.Alabama. He's an established African-American comedian in Melbourne to do a show at the Comedy Festival. He had some really constructive points for me and gave alot of advice. When I say he's African-American, I use the politically correct term. But this guy is a stereotype, and he knows it. And that's what makes him even funnier. We're stood in the green room chatting. Me, a pasty white, red haired English guy. And him, a big black guy from a ghetto in the deep South. It was ironic that he was the one who warned me off the C-Bomb when every other word that came from his mouth was either mother-fucker, bitch or pussy. He is a hilarious person though and a really nice guy. If you happen to be in Melbourne during the Comedy Festival, I'd recommend his show just to see him. I think he's playing at the Elephant and Wheelbarrow in the CBD. But I'm not sure when.
   It was Alabama actually that told me to go out the back door. He can really talk and talk and as I politely as I could, I told him I had to go. To which he replied "Now you can't be going out the front with other cats on stage and shit. That shits just rude mother fucker. If you wanna leave you gone have to go out the back door". So I did. I didn't want to be rude and an incompetent comedian. So I snuck out the back, licking my wounds in a back alley of Melbourne.

      The good news is that I have two more gigs coming up. The bad news is that they aren't until March. I have to try and get myself some more in the meantime because I don't want to have such a large gap between gigs. Especially as my last one didn't go so well. I want to get straight back up on the proverbial horse. I tried to pencil in some gigs at both M.I.B and The Exford Hotel but because the Comedy Festival is soon, the comedians that are doing shows here have booked warm up gigs at these places. Meaning I can't get a gig there until they've gone. Annoying. But I am going to try and scout out a couple of other venues I've heard about and see if I can get a slot there. So fingers crossed.

       I've also learned that the Comic's Lounge is booked out for a private function next week so the workshop is off. At least I don't need to relive the horror of my gig I guess. So God knows what I will write about next week but I'm sure it will be just as genius as ever.

   Until next time,

          Sean
   

Saturday, February 12, 2011

The Eye of The Storm .....

Hi Again,

     It's been what has felt like a really long week for me. And next to nothing about it has anything to do with comedy. As I have previously mentioned, I have found work on Mondays and Thursdays working as a Picture Framer for a company round the corner to where I live at the moment. It's pretty straight forward work, the manager is a nice guy and I get paid cash. So it's all good there. So that was Monday and Thursday gone. I also went to the workshop on Tuesday night, followed by checking out a couple of acts down at Melbourne International Backpackers (or M.I.B as people call it, because it sounds cooler and is easier to say I guess) and then heading to Syn to watch a couple of acts there and book myself in to perform there during a competition that has already started. Tuesday night was a pretty busy night. Then, on Wednesday, my girlfriend dragged me along for a run, presumably because I've put so much weight on since travelling and she can no longer stomach the sight of my nude presence any longer. I also bought a bicycle in the afternoon and had to cycle it about 10 miles to get it home. And to top it off, I had a rugby game on Wednesday night. Just to tip me over the edge if I wasn't already mid-way through a coronary. Wednesday done, and I was beginning to feel a bit drained. Cue Thursday. Thursday I worked at the picture framers, then had rugby training, immediately followed by (without so much as stopping for a shower) cycling into the city to watch a couple of guys at the Exford. Then cycling home in a thunderstorm at nearly midnight. Thursday done and "a bit drained" was turning into "fucking knackered". On Friday, I started my 3 day adventure into the world of floristry, or floristism as I put it on Facebook, pruning 8,000 red roses a day ready for the Valentines Day rush. No shit, 8,000. This involved me waking up at 5.00am, cycling the 8 miles into the city, starting at 6.00am working through til 2.00pm and cycling home to immediately collapse on the bed and get some shut eye. The process was repeated today (Saturday) and will be again tomorrow (Unless I'm dead from fatigue by then).
    So that was my week. And I apologise for not having the time or energy to update the blog closer to when the comedic side of things actually happened. However I do have a memory like Rainman, so sit tight, and I'll walk you through this weeks comedy journey.
    Tuesday followed Monday as it so invariably does, and it was workshop time. I had had the gig the week before but had already decided to not put my hand up when asked "Who's had gigs?". Maybe it was just the mood I was in but I felt I had analysed my performance enough and didn't really feel the need to talk it through with anyone now. I was pretty keen to try out a few of my new gags I'd spent the previous couple of days writing, but I didn't even get the chance to do that. It's funny, when we are asked who wants to get up and try new stuff, nobody wants to go first, but after that initial person gets up, it's like a dogfight to get on stage. Everyone wants to have a go and you almost need to play Rock, Paper, Scissors or flip a coin or something to see who goes next. I wasn't aggressive enough or passionate enough about making an effort to get up so I kept quiet and sat in my place. I figured eventually everyone who wants to have a go, will of been up and it will be my turn. But there are always a couple of people that have spent the last week on holiday or something and have written a set the size of the Bible, and expect to be able to go through the whole thing. One woman even had to be stopped by Robbie and told she'd taken up too much time and to make it shorter. I didn't particularly like this woman, I found her to be very self-important, overly confident to the point of cockiness and patronising to the people who tried to give her feedback. After another lady had given her two very valid, and not-rude-at-all points of feedback, she responded with "Sweetie, this is my first time trying this stuff out. I'm sure your stuff wasn't that great first time around either, darling". Personally, I found her rude, made worse by the fact she wasn't in the slightest bit funny. But I promise this blog isn't going to be a bitchy rant like last week. So let's move on....
    We did have a guest speaker this week. A comedian called Jed Cogley came in to give us a few tips, advice and answer any questions. Apparently he's had a long and successful comedy career which has included TV, radio and touring all over the world. I haven't had the time to Youtube him yet but I'm sure he's on there if you fancy having a look. He gave some very good advice about how to communicate with an audience, remembering material and generally keeping an audience on your side throughout a performance. He was also a really nice guy and I hope he comes along again to help out in the future.
    After the workshop, I got the tram down to M.I.B because a) I wanted to check it out and b) My very good friend Dil Ruk was performing there that night so I went to show my support. I was never going to stay long because I needed to get to Syn to pencil myself in a gig. Dil was 4th on and, in my opinion, had a good gig. The crowd were alot livelier  than I'd been lead to believe. I had expected nine or ten backpackers, split between being stood at the bar and playing pool on one of the tables, not caring what was going on on-stage, just trying to have a beer a get laid. In reality I was only half right. There were these nine or ten people, but there were also 15 or so people there specifically for the comedy. It's nice to know someone is at least listening. And it's very easy to get disorientated mid-set when a joke doesn't get the expected laugh. Which is what I was dubious about before going there. But actually I will probably try and get a gig there soon.
   Coincidentally, if you search "Dil Ruk" on youtube, you should come across a funny parody he's written to the tune of "Danger-Zone", that song from Top Gun. Check it out because it's pretty good. I want to write a parody myself but never have the time or resources. Maybe in the future.
    After M.I.B I briskly walked to Syn and was hoping to pop in, book myself a gig, then go home. But I got there just after the intermission so had to wait until it finished at 11pm to speak to the guy. It was OK though, because Syn are running a competition at the moment where you can win a gig at a big comedy club in Melbourne, and bag an interview on a radio show here. It isn't necessarily a massive prize but still would be nice to win. They are running it in four heats. The winner of each heat goes into a semi final, then into the final. Obviously. Tuesday was the first heat, and I'm booked in to be on in the fourth heat. Each member of the audience is given a sheet with every performers name on it. Then they score each of them (I guess out of ten), the act with the highest score wins. I guess this rules out everyone voting for their friends, because if each act brings five friends, mathematically, their best score will be from their friends and scores from non-friends will be low. If anyone else is good, their score will be consistently high therefore will win. I think I've made the process sound alot more complicated than it is. There were some pretty good acts on that night though and I think the standard will remain pretty high so it won't be an easy thing to achieve for whoever eventually wins.
   As mentioned earlier, I also went to the Exford on Thursday with the intention of booking myself a gig there. But the guy that runs it wasn't there so it was almost a wasted journey. I say almost, Dil was on again and so was another friend, Greg McDonald. So I got to see them so it wasn't all bad. And at least I have incentive to go back again next week to book my gig. There were a couple of hecklers in the audience at the Exford. But they were friendly, coked up, smacked up, rough as fuck, born and raised in a shed in the country by their Mum and Dad/Grandad type hecklers. They just wanted to get involved and be heard and seen. They weren't so much hecklers, more annoying fucks who need to learn to to shut the fuck up. Hopefully I won't have to deal with anyone like that when I gig there!
   What is next on my agenda? Well, I have a gig on Tuesday night at the Comic's Lounge, which I'm semi-looking forward to. My gig there last time went OK and I'm hoping to get the same amount of laughs this time around. Although I'm sure the audience will be a bit smaller this time. I am also going to try and get a gig elsewhere between now and my gig at Syn, which isn't until the 1st March. Hopefully I can keep gigs ticking over and maybe incorporate some of my new material into my current act. I feel like I'm in the eye of a comedy storm at the moment because I had a few gigs in a row, but I haven't had one for a couple of weeks now, and then I do have some more booked soon. So I need to try and stay sharp with my material and be ready for the upcoming gigs. By the time I leave Melbourne, I'd like to have enough good, tried and tested material to last a fifteen minute set.
    So I'll update again next week and I'll maybe have some new revelations regarding gigs and if I'm heading in the right direction.

   Speak to you all soon,

        Sean
  
  

Thursday, February 3, 2011

The Video Review......

To whom it may concern,


   Yet another week has past, and for anyone that gives the slightest shit about my life outside of stand-up, I have found a part time job. I left the UK to come travelling because I felt stuck in a job I didn't enjoy. That job was picture framing. The job I have just got, is picture framing. That has to be some sort of irony or karma or some shit. The difference here is that I'm thankful for the money and would've given my left nut for a job so I won't grumble.
   On the comedy front a few things have happened. And a few things haven't. I still haven't had a call from The Ellen Show yet. Personally I think she's bordering on rude now. There has also been no mega money deals or even so much as an offer to be in an advert for piles cream. This whole saga is taking longer than exprected. But I will be patient.
   In terms of what has happened, there was another workshop on Tuesday for starters. Frankly I'm running out of original and new things to say about the workshop. It's pretty much the same routine every week. I had my gig "reviewed" from the week before. I think people thought it was OK, they again said there was a friendly and responsive audience which made it easier for the performers. When they said it, I couldn't help but think "Fuck you, maybe we were all just funny and you're fucking jealous", I also thought how good it would be to put on a good performance in front of a bad crowd and see what they thought then. In retrospect I wish I had never had that thought. I had a gig on Tuesday night at Syn and, let's just say, it wasn't a good crowd. But I'll talk more about that later. I also made the mistake of mentioning I had 5 or 6 beers to calm my nerves. At which point half the people there looked at me as if I'd just shat on their kids presents on Christmas Day. It was a look of shock, disgust and disappointment. I just wanted to try and take the edge off, is that so bad?
   The other observation I wanted to make about the workshops recently, is that there have been a group of 5 or 6 girls and guys turn up together. They call themselves a "Comedy Troop" and are apparently putting on a show soon. The thing is, they remind me of some sort of drama school graduates who all think they are each the most hilarious people on earth. They have created a very exclusive group within the workshop where they sit together and talk through everyone elses time on stage, but when one of them go up, they cheer, whistle and laugh. Not a normal chuckle either. I'm talking proper over the top belly laughs like some terrible movie villain. Which brings me to my next gripe with the "Comedy Troop". We only have about an hour or so of time for everyone to get up on stage and try new things. It isn't long really and most people are courteous enough to only run over a couple of gags to see what people think. But these guys get up one by one and do a full 5-10 minutes each. Look, I don't have anything against these guys. They're probably very nice people and they are funny, some of them. The thing is, I get really wound up listening to 45 minutes of fake belly laughs and verbally patting each other on the back. To be honest their show can't come soon enough so they can crawl back into whatever trendy coffee shop they came out of.

The terribly pixelated poster for comedy at Syn
(Apologies)
    I feel better getting that off my chest. Now on to more positive things. Like me. I had a gig at Syn, as mentioned and it was the first gig where I have not needed about 6 poos before hand. Not to say I wasn't nervous but I think I'm making in roads. Now, Syn isn't a huge venue and isn't really known for its comedy nights. So it is never really packed. Usually there are between 20-30 people there, mostly made up of two or three friends of each comedian on that night. But Tuesday was empty. There were probably more people in the kebab shop downstairs than there were watching the comedy. And the 9 or 10 that were there, were mostly comedians who weren't there to laugh. They were there to sit quietly and read through their material alone until it was their turn on stage. I knew I was in for a tough night when Michael McConnell, the MC for the night didn't get big laughs. He's a very funny guy who performs in front of pretty big crowds at various venues across Victoria, NSW and the ACT and has been doing stand-up quite a long time.

 To make things worse, I was on 9th. Or second to last. Or if you want to be as intelligent as me, I was the penultimate act. So I had to sit and watch nine comedians perform to silence and wait for my turn to do the same. And I need to stress, when you're on stage with a spotlight shining in your eyes, you can't see a thing past the light and when you don't hear anything, you just want to duck down, squint and cover the light from your eyes with your hand just to check there are people still in the fucking room. So, when it was my turn, I got up, started my routine, and to my delight the audience did actually laugh a bit. Not so much laughs more of a titter. Even that might be exaggerating but I guess it's better than nothing. The problem with this gig though was that I decided to ad-lib a few jokes at the end of some of my other jokes. And even when the ad-libs were funny, I would spend the next five seconds pondering how good my added on joke was, then forget what I was saying next, spending another five seconds looking like a bunny in the headlights while I tried to pick up where I was.    Some of my ad-libs were also horrendous. To which I made the mistake of doing more ad-libs to dig myself out of a whole. The primary example of this being this; One of my jokes begins with me saying how I am not very well endowed. My ad-lib was to say that I blame my Dad. However, seeing as I attended school, I know that male genetic traits are equally as likely to come from the mother's side as the father's. This all went through my head, and I didn't want to seem ignorant, so I followed that up with "Or my Mum's side". Suddenly, I realised saying I got my small penis from my Mum may make her out to be some sort of transvestite, or maybe the audience might think my Mum has a particularly large clitoris or something. Neither of which I wanted to portray. So, having all this running through my head, while on stage, my final come back was "I hope I didn't get my small cock from my Mum". This all left me not only looking like a bell-end, but a bit confused as to what I was supposed to say next. I did, however, pull myself through the gig and I'm pleased to say that not only have I experienced my first difficult audience, I have fucked up my routine for the first time. Although I don't think many people noticed the fuck up. I did though.
   I have also video recorded my last two gigs (I will put them on here as soon as I can) so I can actually look back and see what went well and what doesn't go so well. It's funny, the mind manages to do a really good job of blocking out horrible moments in your life. Like when you're stood on stage in front of 250 people and not a single person laughs at your joke. Luckily for me, I have video evidence to help me never forget! I really thought that I had nailed my routine at the Comic's Lounge a couple of weeks ago. On reflection, I made a couple of errors, missed out parts from the script, and talked over punchlines. On top of that, some jokes didn't get a laugh. It's good to be able to look back and see where you can improve. In contrast, I felt my gig on Tuesday was a disaster and had totally cocked it up and rushed through the whole thing in about 2 and a half minutes. But having watched the video, it lasted a respectable four and a half minutes, and people didn't noticed my wierd ramblings too much, they actually laughed at them as though they were a part of the performance. The laughs weren't very loud though, I mean, how loud can 7 people be? So watching it back makes it feel like nobody was laughing, but I was just pleased to hear something other than crickets and far off church bells in the background.
   Next up for me then? I have another gig booked in at Comic's Lounge on the 15th February, there is a stand-up comedy competition running at Syn which I want to get myself involved in. There are also another few venues I am going to start exploring and getting gigs at such as the Exford, Deathstar, Spleen and MIB. They all sound like delightful places to be and I can't wait to perform there. I am also officially allowing my girlfriend to come and watch me at the Lounge too. And if that goes well, I may invite other friends along to watch me strike comedy gold as well. So.......

    Stay safe, don't do drugs, look both ways when crossing the road, wipe back to front and genrally take care.

    Sean
  

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