What Can I Say?.......

What can I say?

It's been a while, hasn't it?

I have spent the last 6 weeks or so on a bit of a journey that has had more to do with arguing with the Mrs about the best way to get to the airport than comedy. True to the name of this blog, I have been on a journey on my way back to the Mother Country that has taken me from the tiny island of Rarotonga smack bang in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, all the way to Rome, Venice, Austria, Munich, Switzerland and Paris. And, finally (pause for effect)......home.


I had a little mathematics session on one of my many train trips through Europe and discovered that I have spent 18 months and 14 days away from home. That part didn't take long to figure out. But that journey has taken 593 days, or more specifically 84 weeks and 5 days. Or more specifically 14, 232 hours. Or more specifically 853, 920 minutes. Or even more specifically 51, 235, 200 seconds. That part took a while to figure out. My journey has also taken me through ten countries during this time in which time I have held eight jobs. I have gone from having never done anything close to stand up comedy, to having done 14 gigs in two countries and being (very loosely) involved in an International Comedy Festival. This in turn has lead to me having performed to an accumulation of approximately 1000 audience members and I have been recognised on the street for my comedy on two separate occasions in two countries. Numbers make everything sound more impressive.


But in terms of comedy, I guess the journey has only just begun.


When I got back back to the UK a couple of days ago, one of the first things I noticed on the London tube was the amount of posters advertising stand up gigs, tours and DVDs. Either comedy has always been this big in Britain and I've been oblivious to it all or it has massively taken off over the last couple of years. I also took a brief trip to the small royal spa town of Tunbridge Wells to visit my girlfriend's brother and his lovely wife and new born baby girl. I'm not an expert but I don't think Tun-dub is known for it's vast array of stand-up but I spotted two separate advertisements for local stand-up nights. Even more gaspingly, jaw droppingly surprising was a leaflet I found in my house for a stand-up night at my local nightclub in my insignificant hometown. I think what I'm trying to say is that when I was away, I thought stand-up was going to be quite hard to carry on back home, but now that I'm here I think it's going to be even easier to continue. I'm not saying that I want to do stand-up in front of the pikeys at my local nightclub. But I am saying that gigs are out there.


I think I'm going to spend the next couple of weeks looking into my options while I get settled in and get in touch with the various contacts I made while in Oz to see if they have any gigs coming up. But all in all I think it's looking quite promising.


So I think returning home is a bit of a landmark in the Comedy Journey so I'll end the post with a little summary on what I think was my best gig so far. My best gig so far was (drum roll)...............my gig at The Comic's Lounge in Melbourne, the night before Australia Day. It's my favourite for a couple of reasons. One - it was one of the few gigs that I feel I've nailed and got good laugh time, and two- it was the only gig I've done that was in front of 300-ish people who all paid good money to watch comedy. Plus it's the only time I've shared the stage in one evening with a high standard of comedy A-listers ( In Ozzy terms, at least).

So here's to many more good gigs in front of the notoriously hard to please British public.

Can't wait.

Rugby World Cup Comedian......

A huge hello to one and all,


Since my last post, I have mostly been working and sleeping. With a tiny amount of drinking thrown in for good measure. I have been working at Eden Park Stadium during the Rugby World Cup and it has been amazing. I'm a rugby fan anyway but even if I wasn't it has still been awesome to be a part of a great atmosphere with loads of street entertainers, including dancers, musicians and plenty of hammered drunk men in fancy dress. My favourite street vendor was a 10 year old boy who was stood outside his house near the stadium selling biscuits for a dollar each. Not home made biscuits, just your everyday store bought chocolate biscuits which cost about $3 a pack and this kid had made a fortune! And at times like those, when you're half filled with rage because you can't believe anybody is putting an end to this boy taking advantage of hungry passers-by you think to yourself "Why didn't I think of that?". Watch this space people cos that kid is going to become a very wealthy man one day.

I also had myself a wee gig last Monday (03.10.11) at The Classic in Auckland. I still haven't performed on the main stage yet because they have been filming a TV series there so I have had to settle for the comedy studio upstairs. I have definitely decided that Auckland is my favourite place to perform so far. The crowds here are awesome and they come in quite large numbers to watch an amateur night, and although they don't realise it at the time, they hand over their hard earned cash to see me! I couldn't get my family to pay to see me but New Zealanders seem happy to. Plus The Classic is the best comedy club I've been to, not the biggest by a long shot, but it's a cool place that has a good vibe.

As far as I'm aware it was a pretty good gig. I was happy with how it all went, but I'm yet to sit down and watch the video to confirm this. I have made the personal discovery that my favourite part of any gig is when you stand at the bar after the show and allow people to buy you drinks and comment on how funny you were. My ego is a hungry creature and needs constant feeding.

The only negative on the whole evening was that I got stuck talking to a couple of girls after the show, real intellectual, feminist and outspoken types who I wouldn't mingle with in normal life if mingling cured cancer. One of them was adament that New Zealand was the most racist country she'd ever been to (based on her afternoon in the museum and one night of comedy) and said her "Blood was boiling" over the amount of racist comments made during the night, half of which I'm positive were in my set. The other seemed a bit more chilled out but worked on a TV show in the UK which for some reason gave her the impression the sun shone out of her balloon knot. I think I stood for about 45 minutes nodding and agreeing while these two girls, nae, women simultaneously talked at me. And not one time did they offer to buy me a drink.

I finally taught myself the other day how to convert videos so they can be put on an iPhone or iPod. If you are a performer and find looking at notes particularly boring, I can't say enough good things about having a video at hand to watch at any time. I must have watched my set ten times on the journey into Auckland before my gig and it really helped with memorising everything, seeing exactly where you get laughs and what needs more work. And because I was confident with what I was saying, I feel that I portrayed that confidence and had a better show because of it. That's my tip of the week if you're interested.

One other thing I'd like to bring to your attention is the overwhelming success of the Melbourne Fringe Festival show a few of my dear Aussie friends put on, 4's Kin. I have to say that I'm hugely jealous that they're doing so well and the reviews have been fantastic. If you live in Melbourne and want to go and see a Fringe show, it's too late. They've packed up and finished after a sell out two weeks. But I have no doubt they will be putting on shows in the near future at other festivals so keep your eyes peeled.

Back to me.

I had a quiet word with the manager of The Classic and he promised he'd get me on again before I head off on yet more travels to The Cook Islands at the end of the month, so hopefully that will come to fruition. Failing that, I fear I have had my last gig in New Zealand. At the end of October I will be continuing on through South East Asia for a couple of months where I feel there won't be much of a comedy scene. At least not in English. Then it's back to the real world and Motherland of England to see how my comedy fares there.

So keep tuning in to find out if I manage to get a last gig in NZ, whether I get arrested for streaking at the RWC final or if I get murdered in Southern Thailand.

Thanks for reading,

Sean

Flight Of The Choncords (My Favourite) .......

The Ball Is Rolling Auckland...........

Hello and welcome along once again,

 I'll start by quickly explaining the last video post I made. I doubt you will of seen or heard of Dayne before unless you live in Australia, but Dayne won the Raw Comedy competition this year which is a pretty amazing acheivement. Thousands of people enter every year from all over Oz and the finalists perform on TV and are thrown into comedic stardom (within Australia). Now, not only do I think Dayne is effing funny, I also had the pleasure of gigging with him a couple of times in Melbourne before he won the competition so I thought I'd pay him the compliment of promoting him a bit, although fame has probably gone to his head and he acts like an arse hole now. Maybe someone could let me know?

On to more important things now.

The Classic Comedy and Bar

 

I have returned to Auckland for a spot of work during the Rugby World Cup that is being held in New Zealand, and on Monday 12th September had the pleasure of performing at The Classic Comedy Bar in Auckland's CBD. It's a really cool venue which, the couple of times I have been there, has drawn pretty big audiences considering it's an open mic night. I think on Monday there were around 40-50 people in the audience.

I really wanted to take some pictures of me performing for the blog (and to satisfy my own vanity) but I also really wanted to record my performance for analytical purposes. But unless I took two cameras, which I think would of been a bit much, I could only choose one so I went with filming it. I had considered putting the video on here but I'm really not sure if the world is ready to see how average I am at comedy. But having looked at it, I'll have to wait a while before I have a better gig than that one.

It went really well I think. There were a couple of ropey seconds where I didn't quite hit punchlines as hard as I would like and a bit towards the end where I briefly forgot the next segue, but other than that I was pretty happy. I think it was really helped along by a large alcoholically lubricated audience and the fact that I myself was pretty alcoholically lubricated. All in all it was a very lubed up room. It was also only the second time I did my new set and I think with a bit more tweaking I might have a pretty strong 6-7 minute set. It seems people find it funny listening about how shit it is being ginger.

The MC for the night, Rhys Mathewson was awesome and a really funny guy and I would of been very happy to have paid the $5.00 fee to see him had I not been on. But I think the highlights for me were two young guys (they couldn't of been older than 16!) that apparently had just graduated the "Comedy Class of 2011". If they are only just starting out, they are going to be awesome a few years from now.

I already have my next gig pencilled in at The Classic for Monday 3rd October, which is ages away annoyingly. If I get the chance I'm going to head to Snatch Bar in Ponsonby to see if I can grab a spot there soon. The only problem is the travelling considering I have no vehicle at the moment.

But in the meantime, keep checking out the blog as I will post a couple of new videos, probably including one of my new beloved TV show Flight of The Conchords. And if I feel brave enough, maybe a video of me. But probably not. But maybe.

Dayne Rathbone, Raw Comedy 2011 Winner......

Taking New Zealand By Storm......

Hi.

How are you? I hope you are well.

Firstly, let me congratulate you on making it along to another blog. Congratulations.

Crikey, what a HUUUUGE response I've had to my plea for more interaction. I've been absolutely overwhelmed by it all and I'm extremely grateful. Two comments. That's two thirds of my entire group of followers. I'm beside myself.

Don't take the sarcasm to heart because it does genuinely get me excited when I see I have a comment.

Right. Down to business.

Unfortunately I wasn't able to grab a spot at The Fringe Bar a couple of Mondays ago, when I was hopeful of getting a last minute gig arranged. But I went along nonetheless and had a jolly good time. I managed to spend quite a lot of money on alcohol, which in turn, made me enjoy the comedy all the more. Everybody wins. Except my bank balance.

However....drum roll please.....I did attend my pre-booked gig last Monday and have now officially performed stand up comedy in two different countries. Just not my own, yet.

I was a bit rushed to get to the gig as it was also my first day at a new job and getting back was a struggle. But I made it, checked in and saw I was on second. It was a lot more nervous than any other gig I had done for a number of reasons. Firstly because I was wildly underprepared to perform a brand new set. And secondly because it was the first time I had gone on stage without the Melbourne open mic-ers in the audience. At least with them there, I knew I'd get some sort of pity laughter if it went horribly. But no-one here knew me so if it went badly, it would just be me and the tumbleweed.

The girl who went on before me was a bit poo (it works two ways, I don't know them either so I don't need to be nice to them). This enstilled me with a bit more confidence because I knew I wouldn't be the worst person on that night.

My gig went pretty well I think. I managed to remember the whole set (just) and got quite a few laughs. There were some jokes that didn't get any laughs and I was faced with a brief wall of silence. But they were just the "Filler" jokes. The jokes in between jokes that are just supposed to keep the laughter ticking along. All in all I was pretty pleased with how it went. I think the new set has potential but needs a bit of work to strengthen it up a bit. Oh and if you are reading this and you are either Dil or Rob.......I'm seriously debating cutting the "Mum story" out of it all together because that was one of the bits that got tumbleweed. Or at least come up with a stronger punchline than "same".

That will make no sense to anyone other than those two people so just ignore it. Or nod and smile along politely as if you know what's going on.

There were six comedians on that night, and when I came off stage after being on second, I really felt that I was the best so far. That lasted until the next guy got on. I couldn't really hear what he was saying because the MC was telling me how he used to work as one of those human statue things that you see busking. But he seemed to get a lot of laughs. And the guy after him was awesome. Before he went on, he was telling me how he was a Christian and had only performed at religious festivals and I thought he was going to be gash. But he made me lol. In fact I lolled a couple of times. I was very pleasantly surprised. Although, I did find out later that night that half the audience were there to see him. But he was still my favourite of the night.

I don't know if it's the competitive side of me or what, but I always like to rank everyone who performed to see where I came. I didn't win on this occasion, but it was a biased audience so what can I do? I think with a bit of fine tuning and a bit more practice, I'd smash it.

I can now tick Wellington off the list of places I've gigged. I'm moving back to Auckland next Saturday for a new job during the Rugby World Cup so I'm hoping to be able to grab a few more gigs while I'm there. There are a couple of venues that do regular open mic nights so it shouldn't be too difficult to get one arranged.

If you have any ideas for a joke I could use, feel free to post them because it would be my honour to take credit for your ideas.

Oh and real quick before I go....I've just started writing the script for a comedy musical show that I've decided I want to perform somewhere like Edinburgh Fringe next year. Obviously I can't play any instruments so the "musical" side of it will be down to my closest friend Rory. But I really feel like it could be genious!

In the mean time, thanks for coming along on the ride.

And I'll catch you next time.

Sean

New Set, New Audience, New City.........

Friends,

  
After many a week of comedic inactivity, we finally have movement!


As I mentioned, I was spending some time in the wee township of Picton. I don't know why, but NZ doesn't have villages, it has townships which I think make it sound very Victorian. Or Amish. The point is, I've left Picton now and am in windy Wellington in search of some work and/or money.

The Fringe Bar, the next venue
for me to conquer

After a little bit of research, I found an open mic night last Monday and dutifully attended with the aim of checking out the sort of stuff the locals find funny. It was at a venue called Fringe Bar which is located at the end of Wellington's uber-hip, uber-trendy Cuba Street (This means the guys wear tighter jeans than the girls and everyone has enormous headphones around their neck without ever actually listening to any music.). I have to say, it's a pretty decent set-up they have down there. I was kind of expecting a tiny bar with a microphone and stand in the corner of the room, but there is a decent sized stage, a sound booth, and it's well lit.


The open-mic night is called "Raw Meat Mondays" which makes it sound like the comedians are scared little lambs there for the taking, so I was apprehensive as to how the audience would handle people trying new material out. But they were great. I don't think I heard a single heckle. In fact the closest thing to a heckle was when the Mrs leaned in and whispered in my ear, "This. Is. Shit.". I wonder how she'll react to seeing me for the first time? In her defence, some of it was a bit shit.

This is what you look like if you hold a
piece of paper on stage

Because I'm pretty much a veteran on the comedy scene now I feel like I can say this - there are a few things I would change about the acts getting on stage. For starters, all of them took there notebooks and scribbled on pieces of paper on stage with them. I would make sure people didn't do this for a couple of reasons. Firstly it looks terrible when they have to keep referring to a sheet of paper to get a laugh. And secondly, when you are nervous, the sheet of paper in your hand shakes like a shitting dog and it screams out how nervous you are. Obviously these are just my opinions, but when I'm nervous I'd try anything I can to make it look like I'm not. Overall though, it was a really well run night and the standard of comedy is actually pretty good.


I was inspired to book myself in for a gig. So it's my pleasure to announce, on Monday 8th August, I will be making my New Zealand debut. Maybe sooner actually because I'm going to head down again tomorrow to see if there has been a slot open up. And on top of this, I will be trying out completely new material. I managed to sit down the other night and scour through all of the bits I have written down over the last couple of months, and have pieced together a new 5 minute set. It will need a lot of tweaking and at least 5 or 6 attempts at open mics before it becomes any good but I think it has potential.


I am pretty pleased to be back on the comedy train again after a couple of extended stops and hopefully it will all go well and I will have plenty to talk about in my next post.


On a quick final note, my aim for the blog is to make it an interactive thing where people will leave comments and what not, so if you happen to be reading this (and why wouldn't you be?) then write a comment. Even if you don't follow any blogs, stumbled onto it and never plan to return, it would be nice. You could say how much you think it's all a piece of poo or how you'll never get the 5 minutes it took you to read it back. I don't care.


If you have actually managed to read this blog all the way down to this point, let me be the first to congratulate you and thank you.



Now comment.

Non-Comedy Related Post To Show I Still Think Of You......

Dear One and All,


    I have so much to tell and so little of it is comedy related. Since my last post I have travelled all around the South Island of New Zealand and have semi-settled in the tiny seaside town of Picton. I'm pretty sure the only reason Picton exists is because the ferry from Wellington stops here. We have found ourselves "woofing" (I don't know what that means but people keep calling me a woofer) in a hostel, which essentially means I do three shifts a week on reception in return for free food and accommodation. It's a pretty sweet deal all in all except for the fact that I'm not earning any dollars.

Artists impression of the captain
my ship

   Since the North Island, I have stood at the geographical centre of New Zealand (yawn), been to a glacier, visited a spa, played two rounds of frisbee golf (Awesome), drank alcoholic teapots in Queenstown and been deep sea fishing. All while stopping at Dunedin to briefly try and find work before deciding the city is full of crazies and making a swift departure. The deep sea fishing was amazing and the captain of the little boat we were on was a proper pirate. He probably wasn't, but he had a wooden leg and every single finger amputated to the first joint (is that called a knuckle?). He was only missing a parrot on his shoulder and a name like Blue-beard and he would have definitely been a pirate. But he was a super cool guy and fully didn't mind jumping in and killing the conga eel that tried to eat us all. Long story.

   While in Dunedin, or Dunedinburgh as it's fondly named after the amount of Scottish settlers there, I got in contact with a comedy troupe via otagocomedy.co.nz and enquired as to how to get a gig, if they even knew of any. It wasn't until I had left Dunedin on the Wednesday that I got an email back asking if I would be interested in a six-minute spot at the University Comedy Night. Obviously I couldn't justify going back to Dunedin but that's the closest I've come to doing stand-up in NZ. It's a shame really because I've had gig-horn for a while now, not helped by the fact that the guys back in Melbourne seem to be shooting up the comedy ladder and I can't get one gig. I've also noticed quite a few new comedy rooms opening in Melbourne over the last month or so, which is annoying because there were only a couple when I was there.

Me taking frisbee golf very seriously

   Me and the lady friend are amidst serious discussions over whether to cut our losses, forget finding work and heading home within the next month or two. This obviously has it's ups and downs. The major down of course being the fact that I will be back in the real world doing another job that I can do with my eyes closed for the rest of my life. The major up being that I can get myself a place with an adequate man-room i.e. playstation, Lay-Z boy chair, mini fridge, Foosball table, somewhere close to London and start the fledgling British leg of my stand-up world tour.

Or I can keep cleaning toilets in a tiny seaside town for no money until next April. Either way. At least I know that if I end up working in Auckland, Hamilton, Wellington or Dunedin, there are comedy clubs to have a crack at.

   Something I have noticed about being on the road is that it's really hard to write new jokes when your brain is so pre-occupied with all the new scenery and different places. I wrote my first new joke last night since Auckland, which feels like ages ago. I don't have much more to say on that matter but I wanted to share that I had broke my joke writing drought.

   As soon as I know when I'm gigging next, you'll know. But in the mean time, thanks heaps for still tuning in to see what I'm up to.

 Until next time mes amis,


     Sean

So Close, And Now So Far.......

    A lot has changed in the last few weeks since my last post. I was so so close to my New Zealand debut it's not even funny. And now I'm hundreds of miles away from Auckland with no idea when I will get a chance to perform next. It's a bit frustrating really.

   It's probably best if I start from the beginning.

    So, a couple of weeks ago my girlfriend and I attended one of the open mic nights in Auckland with a view to putting my name down to have a go the week after. It was a funny little bar called Snatch that was hosting the evening. It was a tiny venue with seating for around 15 people and the stage was right next to the bar and was all of about 3 square metres in size. It seemed pretty trendy though and I remember thinking that I would definitely be keen to have a go there. There were only 4 guys on that night, the MC making five, and some of my fears were put to rest about how my sense of humour would go down in New Zealand. The standard of the comedy was about the same as in Australia (which isn't too bad considering it's open mic) although there were only a couple of real laughs during the hour or so that in ran for. It's probably un-sportsman-like to say, but I was pleased to see that they weren't great because it made me think that I could get up and do equally well or better than them.
   The one thing that did worry me a bit though is how clean they all seemed to be. I don't think there was one swear word throughout the night and certainly nothing vulgar was discussed. My routine isn't the most filthy or controversial in the world but I would have stood out like a sore thumb had I been on that night. I would like to think that the laughs were few and far between because the subject matter was quite weak, but if Kiwi's don't find sexual material and mildly discrimianting stuff funny, I'm fucked.
    We also got talking to one of the comedians afterwards and he asked me what you should never say to an Englishman. I said not to call football "Soccer", because it's not "Soccer", it's football. He thanked me and went to write it down, at which point Susie said "Oh look, he has a little notepad like yours, how cute". Nice one Sooz, way to make us both feel like cocks.

   Not that it matters because three days after going to the open mic night, we quit our jobs due to the mountain of things going wrong finally taking it's toll, and left Auckland on a bus that has so far taken us all the way to the very bottom of the North Island, and tomorrow we get on the ferry to take us to the South Island. When I think about it, I guess there are both negatives and positives to leaving Auckland so soon. The negative obviously being that I now don't have a job and still haven't gigged in New Zealand. The positives being that I have now had the opportunity to travel a bit, see how beautiful New Zealand is and do some amazing things that rival stand-up as an adrenaline rush (caving and jumping 15000ft out of a plane being the highlights). I am also now aware that once we have travelled the country and seen what we want to, we are probably going to find work somewhere and settle down a bit again unil the Rugby World Cup in September, meaning I will have plenty of time in the future to gig in New Zealand. It just means I will have to brush off the cobwebs a bit and almost start from scratch. The only other option being that instead of finding work, I take a holiday to Samoa on my way home and get back to the real world by the end of the Summer. Only time will tell, my plans seem to change on a daily basis, as anyone wo has been backpacking will tell you.


    Although it is not entirely to do with me, I wanted to share a little something because I think it's both interesting and very cool. I have kept in touch with my old housemate and parner in comedy crime from Melbourne, Dil, and have discovered that while he has only been doing comedy for a year and a half-ish, he has recently progressed leaps and bounds with his comedy. He has had his first spot as an MC at the Blah Blah Comedy Club in Melbourne, is doing a show at the Melbourne Fringe Festival, and (most impressively) is soon to be doing his first invitational gig in Canberra, a place so boring I had no idea laughter had been discovered there. I'm pretty sure that most of the time, the only entertainment available to the people of Canberra is to either visit an elderly relative in a care home (which is as exciting as being at a theme park if you're from Canberra) or standing on the street and counting the amount of tourists that drive through Canberra and decide it's too boring to spend one night.

   I'm totally aware that none of that had anything to do with me but he told me about it via a Facebook message which contained some lovely things about yours truly so I thought I would embarrass him by posting it on the World Wide Web, so here it is:

   "Lover boy, just a quick story coz I know ure one of the people that will genuinely be happy about this without resentment. I got offered a to do a spot in canberra, where they drive u there and back, provide accommodation and also pay for a bit of booze. Maaaan I can't tell u how pumped I am about this.

I'm not telling you this just to brag...well of course there is a little bit of that hahaha. But honestly I just wanted you to keep gigging and keep at it. U already hav the ability of knowing when something is funny and also how to make it sound funny when telling a group of unknown. So don't let that gift go to waste. Please keep at it.

Also, you're a faggott. Go fuck yourself.

Love always,
Dil"

 How nice is that? I am both very happy for him and very jealous of him in equal measures. Also I just wanted to prove to the world that I know him just in case he becomes massively famous.

   I think that's about it for now. It's very frustrating for me that I don't have more to say, but until I stay in one spot for a while I won't be gigging. Hopefully within the next month I will have another job and be on the road to comedy success again.

   I'll keep you posted in the meantime.

    Hugs and Kisses

              Sean

Just Another Post To Prove I Haven't Given Up.....Or Died......

    Considering the fact that my last few posts have had absolutely no relevance to grass roots stand-up comedy whatsoever, I fear this blog is slowly turning into another below average blog following the life of someone nobody cares about. Sounds a bit harsh, but let's face it, I'm not wrong.
  
   The thing is, I just haven't had the time or energy to get down to see any comedy from the festival, let alone do any. I've actually found it quite hard to get back into the rhythm of it all now that I'm in a strange new country. I've gone as far as making contact with a woman that runs an open mic night here every Wednesday, which I have been meaning to get down to for the last three weeks but things keep getting in the way. If it hasn't been work or rugby injuries, it's been pure lack of motivation. I'm also having a few nervous moments where I let my mind wonder and start imagining, "What if Kiwi's are really nasty hecklers?" or "What if their sense of humour is completely different to Australia's and I crumble on stage?". I guess if I'm honest, I've been putting off getting back into it as much I have actually been too busy.
   
    The idea of performing on stage scares the shit out of me. But I do enjoy it because you get a huge adrenaline buzz and an awesome feeling if it goes well. However, I'm not an arty, creative, performing type person, I'm more of a "Have a laugh with the lads" type person. As news trickled home that I was now doing stand up they all probably pissed themselves laughing at the thought of me dying on stage. I know this for a fact because I would do exactly the same. I never had the urge to try stand up, although (slightly vainly) I would consider myself to be a funny person. I only got into it because I happened to live with a guy that did it. The only reason I mention any of this is because I feel the need to explain how out of my comfort zone I am when I perform. I get a truly bizarre "I can't believe I did that" feeling when I think back to the gigs where I performed in front of a few hundred people.

    One other thing that is slightly off-putting about getting back into it here, is the fact that I don't know anyone here within the comedy circuit. At least in Oz I had the guys at the workshop I could bounce ideas off before I use them. I also had my friends within the Melbourne circuit that I knew would help me find the positives in bad gigs. I'll do a little name drop here because I feel they need a mention, but Dil Ruk, Greg McDonald and Nick Hawkins were all good friends of mine in Melbourne and I miss having them around now.

    That's more than enough soppy and negative talk now. Let's talk about something more uplifting. I had a guy fall off a ladder at work last week and break four bones down his right hand side. That was fun. He ended up having huge screws fitted into his pelvis and smaller ones into his wrist. He flew out from Oz to come and move the mechanics hoist at the back of our workshop. Not only did he not manage to move the hoist, but the landlord came in just after he went to hospital to tell us it was in our contract that we don't move the hoist. What a pointless and painful trip for the guy that ended up in hospital. This is the fun and games I deal with on a daily basis.

    I've been told by my boss that, if I want, I can have a dog here. I'm not sure what the landlord would think of this but I'm seriously considering it. I love dogs and have wanted one for ages. In England if you don't have a dog, you don't really think about getting one because the only time you ever see one is when the owner is out doing the shit stuff like walking it and putting all it's little poos into wee bags to chuck away. That doesn't really sell the idea of having a dog to me.
   But in Oz they have puppies for sale in shop windows. Really cute little puppies that just anyone can walk in and take away that day. It's incredible how much you can want a dog after only seeing it for five minutes. So we may end up with a dog. The only problem being, what happens when we move on and stop working here? The boss told me it would be a work dog and the next people here would look after it but, a) I don't think I will be able to leave a dog after getting so attached to it, and b) I will be leaving the care of my dog to someone I have never met before. Both are things I'm not sure I can do.

   So that's the latest update from me. As you can see, not much stand up comedy going on here at the moment. I promise though, I will get down to one of the open mic nights so I can at least report on what the standard is like here. I might even take some photos so you have some eye candy to look at next time.

   If you are someone who has read this blog more than once, whether it be because you know me or you are just curious to find out if it will get any better, I feel I should thank you for your patience and apologise for my lack of relevant writing material. Hopefully soon enough I can get back to writing about how unfunny I am on a public scale. That will be nice.


     Peace,


              Sean 

Sean Lock, Live At The Apollo. "Earthquake with a dust pan and brush", LOVE IT......

How Did I End Up Here.........

Just this morning I took steps to my first New Zealand gig. It was only the little tiny wee step of writing an e-mail address down of a venue that does open mic nights but a step none the less. I also found out this morning that a comedian friend from Melbourne is doing a show in the New Zealand Comedy Festival at the end of this month and I'm going to make an extra effort to pop down and see him.

    But, for today, I thought I would explain the situation myself and my lovely girlfriend Susie (I don't have to be nice to her on here because the bitch doesn't even read my blog but I will be because I love her) have found ourselves in. We flew into Auckland on a Tuesday a few weeks ago, I forget the actual date and I'm far too lazy to look into it. I then started working here the following day. I was told by the guy that hired me that there is a nice little flat above my place of work that we could live in rent free. By the sounds of things, it was all looking rosy.
    Before I get into the details, we moved in because it is rent free (who would turn down free accommodation as a backpacker?). But let me just describe the place. I'm working at a campervan rental company which is located on an industrial estate outside of Auckland. There is nowhere within walking distance to buy food from and one of the factories around here must sell burnt pubic hair or something because that's what the area constantly smells like. The place we are actually in is basically a big warehouse with about fifty vans parked inside. And it is understandably dirty. The floor in our "flat" is stained with a non-descript brown substance that doesn't seem to want to be cleaned off. When we arrived, every surface in the room was covered in either dust, cobwebs or dead flies. It's not too much better now to be honest because we're both pretty lazy. The bed is approximately 37 years old and has a distincively different stain from each person that's slept in it. When we get into our respective sides at night, the mattress collapses and we both roll into each other in the centre of the bed. Basically it's not the The Ritz. In fact it's not even a Travelodge.

    The other day I spotted a mouse running across our kitchen floor. As a man it's in my DNA code to want to hunt this mouse and exact revenge on it for intruding in my private area, so I went out and bought a couple of mousetraps. I was eagerly anticipating and kind of Tom and Jerry, battle of wits, man vs wild type encounter and strategically placed my mousetraps around the building where I thought mice might go. I was willing to play the waiting game and new it might not happen overnight. The next day I woke up and checked the trap. What I found was a dead little mouse with it's jaws still locked around a big chunk of peanut butter. It was quite sad really. I was disappointed at the fight it had put up.
    I scooped it up and chucked it in the wheely bin outside. A fitting end to a noble foe. I have since set more traps up but have only caught one other mouse. Perhaps the concerned wife of the first mouse, who went out in search of her little mousy husband but met a similarly swift end. Who knows.


   Anyway, this was just a little update to keep your apetites whetted. Oh and before I forget, I have had 13 views in 11 days since my last post. Which means that, presumably, those 13 people googled "Porn, Vaginas and Penis Pumps". Interesting.

    I'll catch up soon.


             Sean

PORN, VAGINA and PENIS PUMPS.........

First of all, I should explain the title.

  I was speaking with my sister on Skype the other day and she said if my blog contains words that people Google, it will get more hits. Perhaps this is just what I search for. The capital letters are just to make it look extra seedy. At time of writing my blog had 216 views. Let's watch that figure shoot up.


   Ok, so what's been going on? Well I've now officially left Melbourne and, indeed, Australia for the North Island of New Zealand. More specifically, Auckland. I've been here nearly two and a half weeks now and I have to say, New Zealand is beautiful. I've got alot to say about the last few weeks here, like where I've found myself living and what I'm now doing for work. But I'm going to save all of that for the next blogging session as I have some other stuff to get off my chest first.


    Before I left Australia I decided to squeeze in a gig at The Exford, a reknowned tough place to gig during the festival. I decided before I get up, to go on a couple of recon missions first to check out how tough it really is. I found the first time I went, a Tuesday night, that the audience were responsive and friendly. A good start. I went along on the next night and, again, they were quite a good audience. So on the Thursday I felt ready to get up and nail the gig. I didn't nail it. In fact, it would have been a better gig if I'd whopped out my willy and shown everyone just how far I can pull back my foreskin before it hurts. I fucked up jokes I can usually tell in my sleep and got heckled by some nonsensical drunk bitch covered from head to toe in random meaningless tattoos of roses and dragons and "Rock Chick" shit like that. I actually felt confident that I could handle a heckler (And I still believe that I can) but it's impossible to have a comeback to someone who's slurring drunken heckle is "I used to be white just like you, and I'm local to here".
   Needless to say it was a really horrible gig. At one point I asked someone in the audience what I had been talking about before I had to deal with the drunk girl, whose response was "Not a lot". Brilliant. Thanks for that. Fortunately, I wasn't the only person to have a bad gig. I do think I was the worst act of the night though which is a bit gash for me. A few very cool and positive things came from this gig though. Firstly, is that I have now officially performed in a festival show. "The After Party" is listed as a proper show on the festival website so I guess I can say that from now on. Why not? But here's the bad side. As a proper show, it gets reviewed by someone from The Herald Sun. I'm not 100% sure the reviewer came the night I was on but I am about 90% sure. And here's what he had to say, as stolen from their website:


 "THE After Party offers a combination of local and international talent as a handful of comedians take to the stage throughout the course of the show.

The advantage to this, of course, is that the audience can experience several different performances in one sitting, but unfortunately, despite the array of differing backgrounds and personalities, most of them failed to provide much to write home about.

Scottish funny-man David Heffron got the night off to a promising start, but it was mostly downhill from there.

Save the American emcee – who was funnier than most of the acts he introduced – the majority of the show was lacklustre, with genuine chuckles coming few and far between.

For some, their choice of attire got more laughs than their jokes, while the funniest moments for others came from their ability to embarrass the hecklers who apparently thought that the audience had come to see them.

That being said, headliner John Burgos was definitely worth the wait and it was a shame he was only on stage for such a short amount of time.
Bookending the show, he and Heffron were the obvious standouts and as far as free shows go, you could definitely do a lot worse."

    I don't remember a Scottish guy there the night I was there, but what can you do? You win some, you lose some.

   Now here's the coolest part of the night. I hung around after the show just chatting to a few people in the audience who had made it their mission to pity me with empty phrases like "You weren't that bad" and "I just think you're brave for doing it". I hadn't realised it, but apparently this is where some of the bigger comedians convene after a show to have a chat. One beer lead to another and before I knew it, I found myself at a table with Ava Vidal, Henning Wehn and, wait for it, Rich Hall from hit TV shows such as "Mock The Week" and "QI". That's right, I was chatting with the guy Moe from The Simpsons is actually based on, as if we were life long besties. Just chatting about how our shows went. You know, the kind of stuff us stars chat about.

(L-R) Me, my brother from another mother Rich hall and Aiden Pyne,
a Melbourne based comedian

 It was pretty cool. I'd say it was the very sweet and delicious icing on a really shitty cake. My only regret is that I was so drunk, I forgot to get him to add me on Facebook.

   So I'm here in Auckland now. I'm just about settled in our new "Home" and ready to source new gigs and ventures this side of The Tasman Sea. I'll check in again soon to explain the hovel we have found ourselves in. In fact, here's a teaser.......I had to go hunting last night. Ooooh you must be salivating with excitement to hear that story!
  
   Until then, keep on keeping on and spread the Gospel of Gorman (I just made that up but I like it).

     Peace to your Mother


                Sean

Ian Bagg. Another comic I had the pleasure of seeing.......

Comedy Show Bonanza and A Landmark......

Right,

     Before I get down to the nitty-gritty I just want to mention a personal blogging landmark that, when I started writing, I had no idea if I'd reach. Since my last post (and last time I checked) the number of views of my blog has crept over 200! I've done a bit of math, and from what I can see, either the three people that follow this blog have viewed it 66.6666667 times each, or other non-followers have browsed on, read it and decided it's not for them. I'm not sure what's worse, sixty-six point something pity views from your friends or strangers reading it and deciding it's poo. Oh well.
   I'm pretty sure I would have reached this landmark on about day 3 of blogging if I hadn't clicked the little button that says "Don't count my own views", but here's to hoping for 500 views in the future. And perhaps we can pick up a few new followers on the way.


    Onto business now.

     As I said last week, I scored free tickets to watch a couple of shows last Thursday and I was pleasantly surprised. First up was Henning Wehn's show My Struggle, which I went to watch on my own because I couldn't find anyone who was free to come with me, and I'm not one to turn down free tickets just because I might look like a loser. It took me a while for it to click, but the name of his show is frickin' funny. He's a German comic, so if you don't get why it's funny, google anything to do with "My Struggle" and Germany and see what comes up. I think it's a pretty ballsy title so I like it.
     Despite the fact there were only ten audience members, it was a really funny show and one I would recommend seeing. With more people watching, there would have been a totally different atmosphere and made it a real success. But it was only a preview show so I don't think many people were expected to watch. There was also a really nice touch at the end of the show as well, because he waited outside, shook everyones hand as they left and gave them a signed copy of his DVD from last year's Edinburgh Fringe Festival. I thought he was a really nice guy with a really good show.


      Immediately after that, I met my girlfriend in the foyer (who happened to be stood talking to Ava Vidal after meeting her in the toilets..... women!) and we went and watched Ian Bagg's show. He was totally different. Still a really funny show but a totally different prospect. He's got a real talent for being sharp and quick witted and his whole show was basically talking to each and every member of the audience, asking them a mix basic questions and questions you can't answer without looking like a fool (Like "Where is the best place for anal sex?"), and pointing out how they have made themselves look stupid. One member of the audience proudly stated that he hadn't had kids because there were "too many short curlies". No-one really knew what he meant by that but it was funny.
    I think the best thing about this show is the fact you could watch him several times and none of the shows would be the same. But there's no point seeing him unless you are willing to participate.

   So that was Thursday night. Pretty successful if I do say so myself.

   Then on Monday night I went and checked out the open mic at The Exford. Maybe I was there on a particularly tame night but it was a pretty friendly crowd. It got a bit rowdy towards the end but it always will when people have had a few drinks. The line-up was also a pretty diverse and good one. There was a sketch show on and comics from Australia, Ireland and Scotland, some of whom have shows on at The Festival. It has filled me with confidence that I could get up and have a go without being heckled out of the room so I'm going back tonight on my second recon mission before I give it a go maybe tomorrow or Friday night.


     Then, finally, I went with a few chums to watch Ava Vidal at Chapel on Chapel last night. I actually thought her show was the best one I've seen out of the three. I think my favourite joke was when she said she would never sexually assault any of her kids because she isn't a "chubby chaser". She talked a lot about her time living in Africa and time spent in the Middle East which, on occasion got a bit too political for my simple mind to follow but she was very funny. Another show I would recommend.
    It's really hard to choose which show to go and watch at the Melbourne Comedy Festival, especially because there are over 200 shows going on, on any one night. Plus the standard of the shows range from terrible to bloody amazing so a lot of research has to go in before you see anyone unless you're willing to take a leap of faith. But if you happen to be around at any Comedy Festival, anywhere, go and watch something because it will make your day.


     So in summary, I've seen three really good shows and scouting the Exford as a potential venue for myself. I'm going back tonight and may even get up depending how I feel. I may also see another show tonight before the open mic but I don't know yet. But check back in a couple of days and I'll let you know how it all went.

        Bye for now,

Henning Wehn, Who I Saw On Thursday Night. Top Show, See It If You Can...

A Couple Of Nice Surprises........

Dudes and Dudettes,


     I haven't felt the need to blog twice in one week in some. After all, this is a blog about the stand up comedy scene and me trying to crack it, if nothing happens, why write? But this week has re-sparked what was a dwindling impetus to carry on.
    First of all, I made the journey to the workshop on Tuesday and was pretty pleased to see there was only about 5-10 people there. I've decided I enjoy it a lot more when it isn't too busy. Plus the couple of people that always seem to get up weren't there so it was nice to see some new guys try stuff out. However the best thing about the workshop was the fact that I learned that The Exford Hotel, in the city, hosts an open mic night EVERY SINGLE NIGHT throughout the comedy festival. And, to make it even better, you don't need to book your spot weeks in advance. You can just rock up and hopefully get on. I thought I had done my last gig in Australia. Man, was I wrong. One of the guys told me that last year he did sixteen gigs at The Exford during the festival. That's twice as many gigs in three weeks than I've done in four months. So if I can do maybe five there, I will see that as a success. I have heard though, that it's a seriously tough crowd and you'll find out if you really have what it takes once you've gigged there during the festival. I even heard a guy got stabbed there last year. I don't mind a bit of heckling but I think a stabbing is a bit overboard. I'll have to remember my stab vest.


      And the bestest best thing to come from the workshop, was that someone pulled a no-show for their gig and I managed to blag myself a spot. Like I said, I didn't think I would have another gig in Australia so I hadn't so much as looked at my set in the last two or three weeks. I felt really under prepared but also really motivated because I wanted it to go better than my last pitiful attempt at M.I.B. I spent about an hour back stage reading through my notes and watching recordings of previous performances to try and get it to sink in. And I just about achieved it.
   It wasn't my best gig. I still believe my best gig was the last time I did Syn. But this one was infitately better than M.I.B. I got some pretty good laughs considering the size of the audience so I was happy. This was also the first gig I feel I can learn something positive from. For instance, I now know my set needs tightening up for a start. There are points where I try and keep the audience's laughter ticking over with some chuckle worthy lines, but they just don't seem to be getting even a chuckle. I think it's time I cut some of them out and replaced them with proper jokes.
   Also, less importantly, this gig means I have performed at The Comic's Lounge, M.I.B, Syn Bar, Monastery on Church, and now, Blah Blah Comedy Club. Not a bad haul considering 6 months ago I had no intention of doing this.


     And finally, earlier this afternoon I purchased tickets to see Ava Vidal's show on Tuesday night. I'm looking forward to seeing it because she's very funny from what I've seen so far. But, more interestingly, while I was buying the tickets the manager of the venue asked if I liked comedy. I said "Yes, funny you should ask while I'm currently purchasing tickets to see a comedy show, I do". He went on to explain that two other comedians were doing shows at the venue and were doing preview shows tonight (31.03.11), that hadn't sold out and the comedians want to do their previews in front of full audiences, so did I want some free tickets to see two shows tonight for absolutely nothing. "Fuck yes!" I said in a slightly more polite way. So for $35, I have two tickets to Ava Vidal on Tuesday, two tickets to Henning Wehn tonight at 7pm and two tickets to Ian Bagg tonight at 8.30pm. How good is that?!
     So I'm going to have tonnes to report on next week. Hopefully all good news.


   As much as I'd love to continue chatting, the show starts in 45 minutes and I am in desperate need of a shower so must go.

                     Lovely hearing from you again.


                                              Sean

Jason Manford at The Apollo, I Love This Guy......

Departure Date Approaching.....

     Ok, the title's a bit of a lie. I still haven't actually booked any flights to leave Melbourne yet so I have no idea when my departure date is. I do, however need to be out of the country by the 24th April due to my visa expiring, so it's not a complete lie.


      I also feel the need to apologise for not keeping this blog totally up to date over the last few weeks. It has basically been a combination of my internet playing silly buggers with me and me not actually having attended any form of stand up in the last 10 days or so.
    I didn't even go to the workshop on Tuesday as I flew out to Adelaide to see an old chum. Be honest though, who would've wanted to read another paragraph about another workshop anyway? There was a faint hint of me getting a last minute gig if I'd of gone but what can you do? I'll go this Tuesday and see how we go from there. And like I said, my internet decided to shit itself and I couldn't even do the lazy thing of putting a video on the blog. But all is sorted (for now) and thankfully we can continue our journey together.


     So what have I been doing?

    Good question. Thanks for asking. Well my 8 hour a week job picture framing has now been cut to 4 hours a week. Yes, it means the small amount of money I was earning has now been halved, but it does free up another four hours a week to stream old episodes of 30 Rock and Gavin and Stacey. Productive. I am a step closer to cracking New Zealand though. I have applied for my Working Holidy Visa and done some research into where I can find open mic nights in Auckland. It's a very small step, but a step closer none-the-less.
     At the moment I have found a whopping two venues in Auckland that host open mic nights. I'm sure there are more but I will have to look into it further before drawing any conclusions.


     I also attended the first AFL game of the season at the MCG on Thursday night. AFL is Aussie Rules Football for anyone who doesn't know. And man, that is one fucked up sport!
    I would have to describe it as a mix of soccer, volleyball and rugby, played by men dressed as basketballers where two teams run around hitting the ball to each other with their hands or kicking it to each other, while trying to ultimately kick it through a set of posts to score some points. Everything else seems to be impossible to understand and, frankly, irrelevant in the outcome of a game.
    I do think the Australians have missed a trick though. Why stop at just creating one new sport by combining three others? I think there are unlimited options to creating new sports from merging old ones if that's all it takes. What about Aussie Rules Cricket-Fishing-Darts. Where one team throws a fish toward the other teams stumps, the batting side have to hit the fish as far as possible with a bat to score runs, and instead of trying to catch the fish, the bowling team have to throw darts at it. If a dart sticks in the fish before it hits the ground, the batter is out.      
   Or what about Aussie Rules Powerpainteering. Where two teams go orienteering by power-walking through a forest with paintball guns. Each team can win by either reaching all of the orienteering points first, or by eliminating every member on the other team by shooting them as you see them. All the while remembering that it's instant disqualification if you ever break into a jog. Oh, and it might be funnier if it were a naked sport. Just a thought.


     As you can see, I have way too much time on my hands at the moment and, frankly, I'm looking forward to getting somewhere new where my mind is stimulated beyond inventing new sports.

    So my next update will be next week when I've attended a workshop. Again, there is a slim chance of getting a gig but don't hold your breath. Firstly because it's unlikely I'll get a gig but secondly because I might not blog until mid-week and that's a long time to hold your breath and there's a chance you would die. And that is something I don't want on my hands.
     I'm not 100% sure but it can't be too long until Syn opens up again at a new location. When they shut they said they would find a new location within a couple of weeks so let's hope I can get a gig there before I leave.


     Until next time, my friends, look after yourselves. And one another.

                 One World. One Love.
                                       Sean

    

Are You Sitting Comfortably? Then I Shall Begin.......

Chaps,


    Just to put the world at ease, I'm not giving up comedy. I still want to carry on despite suffering a few performance lows over the last few weeks. Surely that shows some sort of commitment? At the very least it shows balls.
    
     I am pretty much done in Australia though. I have no gigs booked at all at the moment, and I am unlikely to get one with the whole Festival malarkey going on soon. I wasn't even going to go to the workshop this week as I didn't really see a point. I've decided that while I'm still in Oz, I'll concentrate more on rugby and then get back into comedy when I get to New Zealand. I did go to the workshop though and I'm glad I did. I found out that the workshop and open mic night at the Comic's Lounge would be closing over the next 6 weeks as of this Tuesday (22.03.11), but Robbie G, the guy who runs the 'shop, is going to open the Blah Blah Comedy Club, which he runs, as an open mic venue on Tuesdays, to keep giving new comedians a crack at it while the Festival is on. Now, this bares pretty much no relevance to me at all, except for the fact for the fact that due to the move of location, some of the acts who were pencilled in to have a gig over the next 3 weeks might not be able to make it. And I am officially top of the "reserves" list in case there are any drop outs. So there is hope of one more gig in Melbourne yet.
     Other than the workshop, I've been really lazy/unmotivated to see any comedy.


     So, as promised, in place of tales of the Melbourne comedy scene, here's a tale from my past that is humorous for nearly everyone except me...........


     When I was about 15 I discovered alcohol. But not in the "Sipping beer, in a pub garden, on a hot Summer's afternoon" way. More in a "Steal booze from your parents liquor cabinet and neck as much as you can, sat on a park bench, on a cold and wet November evening" kind of way. Me and my friends would all take something from home and meet up and get way too drunk than we should be. When I see kids do this now, I think they look like bell ends and I get slightly embarrassed that I used to be one of them.
     One particular night though I managed to get obscenely drunk and ended up in hospital. It's pretty shameful but it happened so whatever. Obviously I don't remember much, and I think I was pissed for about 3 days straight. Trust me, it sounds more fun than it was. You can't imagine the hangover I had. Anyway, I woke up in the children's ward of my local hospital wondering where I was and why there was a mural of teddy bears dancing on a rainbow in front of me. My Dad explained what had happened, I had a good cry, a couple of even better vomits, then decided it was time for my hangover humpty. That's hangover "poo" for anyone who isn't aware.
  
    I headed to the toilet, still drunk, wheeling along the drip drip bag that was attached to my arm. Sat down on the loo and started proceedings. I must of nodded off because the next thing I know the toilet door has been kicked down by a doctor and two nurses ready to resuscitate me. However I wasn't unconscious and in need of resuscitation, I was mid poo, trousers round my ankles, enjoying a much needed nap. What's more is the fact that they startled me so much that I fell off the seat and landed on the floor legs akimbo, bearing all to those in the room.

     I was very embarrassed, being 15 years old and dealing with puberty, but also very impressed with the professionalism that the hospital staff showed by holding in their laughter.......for all of about 5 seconds. All in all not a great weekend for me. But I did learn, that fateful night, that there is no point trying to keep up with others when drinking if you are a lightweight. I now know that after a brandy snap and a couple of wine gums, I've hit my limit.


     So that's that. Another week, another blog. Tune in next week for more embarrassing tales from my past and possibly other things that are more related to the purpose of this blog.


      Over and out.

                Sean

Nothing to do With Stand Up, But You Have to Admire His Use of Time and A Pretty Good Song.......

The Not-So-Grand-Finale, and Feeling Blue About Comedy.......

Dear All,


     Once again I come to you from my tiny bedroom in my tiny flat. In case you were wondering, it's a rather nice day today. Which makes a change. I think Australia has the best PR agent on the planet because everyone, everywhere else, thinks it's all sun, sea, surf and sex. Since I've been here all I've seen is floods, rain, wind and hurricanes. Not to mention my first week in Melbourne when there was a hail storm in which the hail was so big it smashed car windscreens and tore tiles from the roofs of peoples homes.


     Anyway...

     I was supposed to "double penetrate Melbourne", as I put it, last Tuesday with two gigs in one night. After the success of last weeks gig, I was really looking forward to getting back to Syn to have another crack at it. I attended the workshop, as usual. To be honest there isn't much to note from that. There was no guest speaker so it was just people trying new stuff.
     I was starving after that so bought myself a "small" box of chips from the fish and chip shop. I'd hate to see what a large is like if that was a small. It was huge. But I'm not one to throw money away so I made sure I kept eating until every last morsel had been devoured. Turns out that was a mistake because greasy chips mixed with Red Bull and a heavy dose of pre-stage nerves will leave you feeling rough as arseholes. Something that didn't go away until after I'd been on. So I got to M.I.B feeling a bit rough, but ready to nail my gig and get over to Syn to nail that one too.


     However when I got to M.I.B, someone told me Syn had been suddenly and inexplicably shut down and the whole competition was not off. This annoyed me somewhat because I was actually looking forward to that gig, knowing full well that it would probably be my last gig in Australia due to the fact that most open mic nights are closed during the Comedy Festival. Double penetration had turned into basic missionary. And it doesn't get much more basic than Melbourne International Backpackers. I was second on stage, which was neither good nor bad, but it at least allowed me to get it over with. I think I managed to count 11 people in the audience before I went on. Three were drunks at the back by the bar, not listening, but talking very loudly. Three were German backpackers. And two were Swedish backpackers. The other three were people from the workshop who had come down to watch.


The bar at M.I.B. This is what the room looked like when I
went on stage, except it was dark outside. I performed in front
of the big TV screen against the back wall.

     

     I wouldn't go as far as to say my gig was a disaster. But it was definitely a bit of a shit one to finish on. I don't think I heard a single titter of laughter. And if there was, it was drowned out by the talking and the people playing pool on the other side of the room. I didn't panic and freeze mid performance, which is good. But I did realise after that I'd omitted a huge chunk of my material. I think I subconsciously just wanted it to be over. There are of course positives to take from this. The fact I didn't panic and just walk off. The fact I have now gigged in what is widely known as Melbourne's most hostile comedy room. And the fact I have one more gig under my belt and valuable experience. But you can't help but have your confidence knocked a bit though when your last two gigs (let's not forget Thursdays fun and frolics) haven't been very good. And I'm a confidence performer. In whatever I do, I seem to feed from my good performances and happily quit if I decide I'm gash at something. Plus it's uber depressing to think that that is the gig the citizens of Australia, plus three Germans and two Swedish people, will remember me by.


     So I have one workshop left to attend. After which I will beg for a spot at the Comic's Lounge to finish on a high. After that, the Melbourne open mic scene shuts down for two months. During which time I will be heading to New Zealand. I will definitely give it another bash in New Zealand. I need to keep trying out my stuff to discover if I'm any good or not. If I decide by the time I get home I'm a bit shit. There's no way I'll carry on doing it in front of my own people.


     In the mean time, I haven't really thought about what I will post to keep the old blog ticking over. I'll keep posting videos for your viewing pleasure, and perhaps I'll just start writing some anecdotal material about my adventures. And if that dries up, I'll go old school and start spilling stories from my youth. Like when I had a doctor and two nurses frantically kick down a toilet door in a hospital to find me fast asleep on the bog mid-dump.

 
     I hope you're enjoying the ramblings, if so, keep coming back.


        Big up yourself,
  
                Sean

As Promised, A 13 Year Old Seth Rogan.....

Positives From A Wierd Gig.....

Rightio,

  
     I know that sometimes I can blabber on about things that aren't in the slightest related to stand up comedy, comedians or even things that are not even remotely funny. But I enjoy it. It's like therapy for me. So here's another experience in my Australian adventure that made me chuckle. Bare with it because it's pretty dumb....

     I was in a Woolworths store near my flat (Woolworths is the second biggest supermarket chain in Australia, like Sainsbury's in the UK). I was having a think about what delights I could put with my baked potato that I planned on having for lunch when suddenly I remembered how good ratatouille is with baked spud. Now this story is only funny because I'm assuming everyone knows what ratatouille is? And if you're not completely sure, have at least heard of it as a food product. Here's the lesson.... ratatouille is a variety of roasted vegetables such as courgette, tomato and onion in a tomato sauce. It's served in a lot of french dishes and is awesome with mozzarella and baked potato and you can usually buy a cheap canned version of it.
    Anyway, I couldn't find it on the shelves so asked an employee if he knew where I'd find it. He explained he wasn't sure what it was so I described it and told him I planned to have it with jacket potato. He told me he'd ask and as he walked away turned to confirm "Ratatouille, yeah?", to which I nodded. He came back about 5 minutes later and said "I've asked both my manager and store manager, and they've only heard of the animated movie "Ratatouille", did you mean that?". I wasn't a smart arse and decided to bite my tongue but, honestly, how do these people even have the intelligence to drag themselves out of bed in the morning. It's not so much they don't know what ratatouille is, it's the fact that even after explaining what it was, he came back and asked me if I meant the animated movie. I felt like saying "Oh, yes, sorry, you're absolutely right. I am indeed looking for the animated movie "Ratatouille" to have on my baked potato". Jesus.

Rant over. Now onto business.


     So I had a gig at the Monastery on Church, a venue I'd only been to once and hadn't performed at yet. I was actually much more nervous than usual because I knew there would be next to nobody watching, therefore was more susceptible to panicking because I wasn't getting any laughs. To his credit, Micah, the MC, told me not to worry and that it was a very relaxed room and a great place to try out loads of new material. He was bang on with that analysis.
     I barely got any laughs, there were a lot of chuckles and smiling faces but no laughs. Plus I was the only comedian that did a five minute set. Everyone else had at least 15 minutes to get through. This made me feel like I really need to get my writing hat on and get some new good material. So in terms of the reaction my stuff got when I performed it, it wasn't great. But I was able to take a couple really good things away from this gig.
    Firstly, I have found the ideal place to try lots of new material without feeling the need to perfect it to death in my flat before it's even seen the light of day. Something I've been guilty of recently. I can now write something down and perform it to an audience before I've decided it's crap. The second thing to take away is the fact that it's obviously really good to keep gigs ticking over and tweak your set here and there. When you don't do so well, it's easy to get caught up in having a bad gig. But the important thing to focus on is how well you performed regardless of audience. Such as - Did you deliver punchlines correctly?, Did you remember all of your set? Etc, Etc.
    I definitely feel like it was a worthwhile journey getting there and banging out my material in preparation for other, bigger gigs.


     One other quick thing. I received a call the other day from Dil, sounding terribly excited. He explained that he went to take a photo on his iPhone the other day and his handset went a bit spastic and claimed it was "Updating library", whatever that means? Anyway, after his phone had finished having an epileptic fit, the video he took of me performing at Syn last Tuesday suddenly appeared. Result. He's going to try and send it over to me or post it on Youtube for me to post on here as and when he can, but he's a busy guy, juggling the sexy world of accountancy with the ugly world of comedy, so it may not be until later on this week.


     I don't really have much more to talk about, so I won't keep you. Hopefully you're enjoying the videos I'm putting up. I'll keep posting them in between "Real" posts as I find them. In fact I may post one I found the other day of Seth Rogan, of Knocked Up fame, doing stand up when he was 13! It's pretty raw and will never be a classic, but it's a great video that shows we all have to start somewhere.
     Also, I will be double penetrating Melbourne this Tuesday with two gigs in one night. I'm on at M.I.B first, then I'm running over to Syn to perform there. I, personally, feel that rushing around like this and relying on people to keep to time will only end in disaster. But we'll see.


     Lots of Love Chums,

           Sean