Welcome again,
So as I mentioned last time, I was not 100% sure if my gig was going to go ahead, if I'd misheard the date of the gig, or if I'd imagined the whole thing and it was never going to happen. All I knew is that the comedy workshop at the Comic's Lounge was resuming again after the Christmas hiatus, and some of the guys I knew from there had gigs pencilled in for that night. So I decided the best plan of action was to attend the workshop, then head down to Syn Bar to see if I was going onstage or not.
It's probably easier to follow if I start at the top and talk about the workshop first and then the talk about what occurred at Syn. The workshop was back and I was pretty keen to get back involved so I left in plenty of time to get there. The other reason for leaving early was because I really needed 15 minutes of quiet time to go through my routine in my head because as it stood, I was two hours before a potential gig and still couldn't remember all of my jokes. Turns out, surprise surprise, you can't rely on public transport. I never got my 15 minutes and only just made it in time, so I decided the next best thing to do would be to get up on stage during the workshop and go through my routine in front of everyone (although I really didn't want to, I was nervous enough, effectively doing two gigs in one night may have given me a coronary!). In my head, the worst option to have taken would of been to not get on stage and rehearse my routine. That would have left it to the last minute of learning my jokes and put further pressure on me. Turns out, that's exactly what I did. I totally bottled getting in front of people and sat quietly throughout the entire workshop, which not only made me more nervous but made me feel like a complete wimp too (how was I going to get on stage and perform for strangers if I couldn't do it for friends?!).
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| Elephants are scared of mice, not fat chicks |
The workshop went on, as it usually does, by starting with people talking about gigs they've had, which was none seeing as everywhere had shut down over the Christmas period. We then went on to inviting people onto the stage to try out new material they have written. I'm only going into so much detail about the workshop because it was it at this time that, to me, the funniest thing of the evening happened. A female comedian who has been around for a little while got on stage to try some new stuff. To briefly describe her, she's about 5' 4" and is of a larger, shall we say, frame. But because she has blonde hair and clear skin, she is the sort of larger lady that believes she can pull off short skirts and revealing tops (that bares no relevance to the story, I just want to paint an image). Anyway, in her new material, she talks about how her bedroom is very messy and she found a mouse in it the other day and she got scared. When she finished, the audience were invited to comment, ask questions or constructively criticise. The words that came out of the mouth of the first guy to comment not only took the girl on stage by surprise, but made the entire room turn to look at him in disbelief that he'd said it. In his words: "No reflection on you, but when you mentioned a mouse I was hoping you'd go on to mention how elephants are scared of mice". I have to say for a comedian, she got alot more defensive than I'd expected. Usually comedians can laugh at themselves. But she responded with "How, exactly, is that no reflection on me? What, exactly, are you trying to say?". The guy that made the comment visibly sank in his seat, apologised and promised the room he'd be quiet. It's not often I exerience an awkward silence that I didn't cause, and frankly it was very nearly not silence at all because I was ready to piss myself laughing!
Onward to the moment of truth, was I to have my very first gig? Not only a gig, but the very first time I'd addressed an audience. To say the tram ride into the city was nerve racking was an understatement. I was cacking my pants at the mere prospect.
I got to the venue and immediately hunted down the organiser to find out if I was on. He confirmed I was, indeed, to be performing and not only that, but I was opening the second act. The only positive I could see at the time was that I wasn't on first and that, maybe, the audience would be drunk enough to find me funny by the time I got on. The build up to my debut was a bit of a blur. It seemed to go particularly fast as I frantically read through my material. I wasn't ready. Not only did I not know my lines, I didn't even look ready. I was sweating beyond belief, we're talking gi-normous sweat patches under each armpit, a big one on my back and beads of sweat dripping down my forehead. I promise this is no exageration that my palms were so sweaty, my fingertips went wrinkly. My notebook of jokes has water stains on the pages and the ink has run. I genuinely thought I was close to that coronary.
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| I wish I was only sweating this much |
To my amazement, not only did I manage to remember EVERY SINGLE JOKE, but the audience actually laughed at every single joke. I put this down to three factors. Firstly, I think I was correct in saying there had been plenty of drinking time to lubricate the senses of the audience. Secondly, I think my British accent fooled the audience into thinking I'm an established comedian gigging in Australia, which naturally makes them more open to allowing themselves to find me funny. And lastly, and probably leastly, maybe I was pretty funny. Only time will tell I guess.
I was so relieved I could of pissed myself. I guess you can't win in those situations, you piss yourself through fear then piss yourself through relief. But there were definately more positives to come from the it and at least I have a good idea of what to expect now. Having said that..... I guess I should mention what's in store for me next. Well, I have my SECOND EVER GIG already booked for the 25th January at the Comic's Lounge in Melbourne. I'm already alot more confident going into this one and hopefully it will go just as well as the last. Also, I have another gig pencilled in at Syn on the 1st February. So in the space of a month I will have gone from never having done a gig, to having done three. Exciting times ahead me thinks. I also have some new material I've been writing that I might try at the workshop in the coming weeks. Whether that is any good is still to be seen.
I'll catch all you comedy lover's and wannabees next time,
Sean
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