The Not-So-Grand-Finale, and Feeling Blue About Comedy.......

Dear All,


     Once again I come to you from my tiny bedroom in my tiny flat. In case you were wondering, it's a rather nice day today. Which makes a change. I think Australia has the best PR agent on the planet because everyone, everywhere else, thinks it's all sun, sea, surf and sex. Since I've been here all I've seen is floods, rain, wind and hurricanes. Not to mention my first week in Melbourne when there was a hail storm in which the hail was so big it smashed car windscreens and tore tiles from the roofs of peoples homes.


     Anyway...

     I was supposed to "double penetrate Melbourne", as I put it, last Tuesday with two gigs in one night. After the success of last weeks gig, I was really looking forward to getting back to Syn to have another crack at it. I attended the workshop, as usual. To be honest there isn't much to note from that. There was no guest speaker so it was just people trying new stuff.
     I was starving after that so bought myself a "small" box of chips from the fish and chip shop. I'd hate to see what a large is like if that was a small. It was huge. But I'm not one to throw money away so I made sure I kept eating until every last morsel had been devoured. Turns out that was a mistake because greasy chips mixed with Red Bull and a heavy dose of pre-stage nerves will leave you feeling rough as arseholes. Something that didn't go away until after I'd been on. So I got to M.I.B feeling a bit rough, but ready to nail my gig and get over to Syn to nail that one too.


     However when I got to M.I.B, someone told me Syn had been suddenly and inexplicably shut down and the whole competition was not off. This annoyed me somewhat because I was actually looking forward to that gig, knowing full well that it would probably be my last gig in Australia due to the fact that most open mic nights are closed during the Comedy Festival. Double penetration had turned into basic missionary. And it doesn't get much more basic than Melbourne International Backpackers. I was second on stage, which was neither good nor bad, but it at least allowed me to get it over with. I think I managed to count 11 people in the audience before I went on. Three were drunks at the back by the bar, not listening, but talking very loudly. Three were German backpackers. And two were Swedish backpackers. The other three were people from the workshop who had come down to watch.


The bar at M.I.B. This is what the room looked like when I
went on stage, except it was dark outside. I performed in front
of the big TV screen against the back wall.

     

     I wouldn't go as far as to say my gig was a disaster. But it was definitely a bit of a shit one to finish on. I don't think I heard a single titter of laughter. And if there was, it was drowned out by the talking and the people playing pool on the other side of the room. I didn't panic and freeze mid performance, which is good. But I did realise after that I'd omitted a huge chunk of my material. I think I subconsciously just wanted it to be over. There are of course positives to take from this. The fact I didn't panic and just walk off. The fact I have now gigged in what is widely known as Melbourne's most hostile comedy room. And the fact I have one more gig under my belt and valuable experience. But you can't help but have your confidence knocked a bit though when your last two gigs (let's not forget Thursdays fun and frolics) haven't been very good. And I'm a confidence performer. In whatever I do, I seem to feed from my good performances and happily quit if I decide I'm gash at something. Plus it's uber depressing to think that that is the gig the citizens of Australia, plus three Germans and two Swedish people, will remember me by.


     So I have one workshop left to attend. After which I will beg for a spot at the Comic's Lounge to finish on a high. After that, the Melbourne open mic scene shuts down for two months. During which time I will be heading to New Zealand. I will definitely give it another bash in New Zealand. I need to keep trying out my stuff to discover if I'm any good or not. If I decide by the time I get home I'm a bit shit. There's no way I'll carry on doing it in front of my own people.


     In the mean time, I haven't really thought about what I will post to keep the old blog ticking over. I'll keep posting videos for your viewing pleasure, and perhaps I'll just start writing some anecdotal material about my adventures. And if that dries up, I'll go old school and start spilling stories from my youth. Like when I had a doctor and two nurses frantically kick down a toilet door in a hospital to find me fast asleep on the bog mid-dump.

 
     I hope you're enjoying the ramblings, if so, keep coming back.


        Big up yourself,
  
                Sean

Scouting Venues, Booking Gigs, and Being Hungover.........

Greetings,

    I come to you today feeling slightly worse for wear. I stayed up last night to watch the Six Nations game between England and France drinking with friends so forgive me if I don't bring my A- game to this post. I am, however, feeling much better. Mainly due to the plate of scrambled eggs, coffee and Berrocca I had about 20 minutes ago. My mood is also bouyed by the fact Channel 7 have decided to air the K-9 as their Sunday afternoon movie. I don't know about you but I think this film is a classic and demands more respect than it gets. I'd say it's up there with Turner and Hooch and Beethoven as the best dog based movie of all time. And, to bring me further joy, I have discovered that K-9 was written by none other than Under Siege's Steven Seagal. Who knew? But this isn't what I came to write about so I'll move on.


     As I mentioned before, I checked out M.I.B and Syn on Tuesday night. Then on Wednesday I was semi-planning to go and check out Deathstar to see if it was a room I could see myself playing in. Also, Rob, a friend from the workshop, was playing there so I was going to support him. As it turned out I was far too lazy and stayed at home so I still don't know what Deathstar is like. Perhaps this Wednesday I will go. I think I've just been putting it off because I can't see it being the best comedy or the friendliest crowd at a place called Deathstar. It's a bit like eating at a restaurant called "Mouldy", or getting a hooker from the "Aids Brothel". I guess there's only one way to find out though.


     However on Thursday, I did venture out to a venue I'd never been before call Monastery on Church. It's basically just a pub that runs an open mic night on Thursday nights. It's a bit out of the way so I don't think it's one of the bigger places to go. When I got there at about 8.30, the comedy had already started and had finished by about 9.40 so there aren't many acts on each night either. The audience was small but friendly enough, and the acts were mostly people who are in Melbourne for the upcoming Comedy Festival and they're just rehearsing or trying new stuff before they do it for real. It's not strictly a comedy night either, it's a generic open mic night so there were also two musical acts just playing and singing. To be fair, the guy who went on last and played the guitar was awesome and he did some great covers and had some really good original songs.
    I was really unsure as to whether I wanted to get myself a gig there because everyone there seemed to be a member of an exclusive club. The MC, the acts and the audience all seemed to be a little group of friends which is quite intimidating for an outsider to penetrate. But if there's one thing I'm good at, it's penetrating. So I booked myself a gig there for this Thursday. Mostly because I think it will be good practice and it doesn't really matter if I cock up because hardly anyone is there to see it. So that's another gig pencilled in and hopefully I can make some progress.


     I have also achieved a bit of a personal milestone. I have informed my parents and one of my friends that I have started doing stand up. It's one of my friends from rugby who thinks of himself as "One of the lads" so I was unsure whether he'd just take the piss or not. He probably will take the piss behind my back but that's expected of him. He was quite supportive to me though and told me he thought it was cool and was asking questions and showing general interest, so that was positive.
     I told my parents via email and have yet to hear back from them. They either haven't checked their mail or have disowned me. Time will tell. To be honest, they'll probably think it's a wind up until I show them the blog and the photos. I wouldn't blame them either. Why would their 25 year old, rugby playing, beer swilling, head-screwed-on son suddenly take to the stage and participate in the arts? Because I'm fucking hilarious, that's why.


     I also briefly mentioned that the Melbourne Comedy Festival is coming up. This will hopefully be a good chance to get out and see some really good established acts over the next month or so. I already have a little wish list of who I want to see. Reginald D.Hunter, Tommy Tiernan, Sammy J, Mark Watson and Ava Videl being just a few. Perhaps I'll try my hand at being a comedy critic too so I can report to you who is worth a watch. I'll keep you posted.


     So next time I post, I will have had another gig, been to another workshop and seen some more comedians so with any luck I'll have something good to report. But until then............


      Stay safe, buckle up, look both ways before crossing, don't do drugs, smoking kills, and take care,

                          Sean